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Archive for the ‘thinking things through’ Category

Ben Stein’s Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

Posted in thinking things through on April 14, 2008| 10 Comments »

For more information, go to www.expelledthemovie.com

You can sign up to promote the film in your area of the country, read reviews by people who have pre-screened it, join the discussion on the blog, send e-cards to let others know about the film, etc. I’m going to see it myself and review it here on MY Journey. The release date in the Denver area is April 18th.

I am a believer and a homeschooler, so many have said this film will be promoted by “my kind” to support our belief in the creationist theory. While that may be true, I am in favor of the freedom of thought, speech, expression, and debate. This film is more about those freedoms being limited to certain kinds of people and thoughts. Freedoms are allowed and sometimes encouraged for all religions, schools of thought and theories with the exception of Christians and the Creationist theory. Called small-minded, limited, steeped in fantasy, disillusioned, and many other insulting names, scientists who would bring a debate against Darwinism have been and are losing their credibility, jobs, and life’s work for going against the beliefs of a man whose theories have limited scientific thought for over a century.

Why the fear? Are Darwinists so fearful of being proven wrong that they have to shut down anyone who might believe differently than they do? Doesn’t that go against the true scientific nature of looking for solutions, answers, and possibilities? I warn you, this next statement could hurt. If you are a believer, do you share that same fear? Do you feel that anyone who does not share your faith needs to be shut up or shut down? If so, Why?

God is bigger than that. He’s bigger than our fears, our doubts, our frustrations with those who hold different beliefs than we do. He’s bigger than our questions and those who don’t believe in Him. There is nothing He can’t handle. We are the ones who fight to stay away from questioning what we believe or have been taught to be true. Instead of walking in faith and trusting God to lead us back to the Truth and feeling the freedom to have questions, we get scared of the questions inside of us and feel threatened by our friends who have questions they’re struggling with. I have a friend who is going through a time of searching right now. They have questions and answers that aren’t adding up for them and they are on the path of discovery. Another friend of ours is worried about that and is feeling the need to bring the first friend back from the brink. The brink of what? Losing their religion? A stronger faith because of the struggle of questioning? It’s fear-based. I think my second friend may be fearful that my first friend has gone too far with their questions and are lacking faith if they have the questions they do. That friend is feeling the need to “convert” our first friend again. They don’t know how to deal with the first friend’s questions. I’m trying to be careful not to give any hints away as to who it is, so I hope that makes sense.

I’m in favor of censorship for those things that bring emotional or physical harm to other people. I’m not in favor of censorship of thought and beliefs. My own thoughts are the only ones I have the right to censor, and I do, by taking them captive and making them obedient to Christ. I’m not perfect at it, but I try. I also examine myself to see if my faith is genuine and I test myself. Both are based on passages in 2 Corinthians. Can I lead people to what I believe the Bible says to believe? Absolutely. Can I force them to believe and live by my beliefs? Absolutely not. Can a Darwinist point out to me why they believe what they do? Sure they can. Can they make me believe what they believe and live my life according to those beliefs? No way. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Forced faith and living is not faith and living at all. It’s the opposite of freedom.

On a side note, I don’t have a problem with the theory of evolution being in science books across the nation. My problem is that Creation isn’t included as an alternative theory. offer all the options and let God draw his own to Himself. Isn’t that what the Bible says He does? We may speak boldly about what we believe and get people thinking about the options laid out before them, but we don’t make people go to God. God draws them to himself. It’s not the school’s job to teach that stuff anyway. What’s funny is that both the big bang theory and the creation theory require some sort of faith. One leads to a life of hope, and I choose hope. But I will not take away the right of another to choose for themselves.

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The One Less Campaign aka The Gardasil Wars

Posted in Rants, thinking things through on February 20, 2008| 1 Comment »

Have you visited my Sex, Love, and Marriage blog lately?

I have a series of posts I’ve been working on regarding the debate over the One Less Campaign.  There are currently 26 states looking at the possibility of mandating the HPV vaccine for schoolgirls ages 9 and up.  Texas was the first and their governor has come under some pretty heavy fire.  It’s a lot of information but it’s worth your time to take a look at it.

Guess which camp I’m firmly planted in?   😉

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How To Help A Grieving Friend

Posted in thinking things through on February 17, 2008| 6 Comments »

This morning at church, we remembered my friend Debbie’s son, SGT. Nick Turcotte, who was killed in Iraq on December 4th, 2006. He would have been 25 today. Click here to watch his memorial video.

I wrote Debbie a note telling her how much I loved her and how her smile is such an encouragement to me. I told her that when our eyes meet, I feel the bond we share as friends, mothers, women, and fellow travelers on this journey. I felt a kinship with her today that I didn’t feel a year ago. Sure, I know her a little bit better this year, but that’s not it. One of the painful lessons I’ve learned over the past month is that losing a child at any age is a horrible experience. It doesn’t matter if the child is 23 and a grown man, or just barely beginning to resemble a human during the gestation period. It’s a terrible loss.

Debbie’s grief is different than mine. She has held her child in her arms, dreamed about what he would be when he grew up, and wiped his tears away. She has sent him off to his first day of school and his first day of military service. She loved him up close for many years and from far away for the last months of his life. She was so proud of him and who he had become. She misses him and all that he might have been. She mourns her loss of the child she loved so much.

I never held my baby and I’ve only dabbled in thinking about who she/he might have become. I’ll never send them off to school or anywhere else and I mourn that loss. I will never feel pride for their accomplishments or wipe away tears of pain or defeat. I miss all that baby might have been and I mourn the loss of a child I didn’t know about until it was too late. A child I didn’t know I loved until I couldn’t have them.

This morning I wanted to say something comforting to Debbie to let her know she was loved and not alone. I thought about it for awhile and decided to say what I just told you. I don’t know her exact grief or where she is at in that whole process, and even if I did, we all grieve differently. I decided to say what I would want said to me.

People often don’t know what to say and even though most of the time their intentions are good, people say some really dumb things instead of remaining silent and risking the appearance of not caring at all. I’ve been there before too. I have really appreciated the response I received from my emails and my last blog post. I was encouraged by simple words of love and support. One of the best things said to me is that I can take as long as I want to process and grieve and talk through the emotions I’m experiencing. That has meant a lot to me considering how we (and I did say WE) tend to put time limits on how long we let people grieve a loss. We encourage people to mourn then get on with the business of living. Move on. Be productive. Don’t stay in the past. Sounds harsh, huh? It’s true – I’ve been having this conversation with people the past few weeks who have experienced this from people they love. Other people’s mourning makes us uncomfortable. It’s easier for us if they appear to get over it quickly so we don’t have to be uncomfortable anymore.

I’m not ranting here and if this is you (as it has been me) I want to help. So here’s my advice on what to say and do when a friend is grieving.

1. Tell them they are loved and being prayed for. Maybe even pray with them if they are open to it. Don’t be offended if they are not. For some, the grieving process is intensely personal and private.

2. Tell them that they are not alone and that you will be there to listen and be a shoulder to lean on or cry on if they need you.

3. Find something nice to do for them. DO NOT say “Call me if you need anything”. Find something that will help your friend out and just do it. Grieving people are not in the frame of mind to know what they need or to ask for help. Knowing their love language helps a lot at this point. Is it Gifts? A card or personal note, flowers, or some other token might be appreciated. Acts of Service? Making/ordering food in for them so they don’t have to cook for a few days. Quality Time? Make time in your schedule for a coffee date – possibly at their home if they aren’t ready to face the world yet. Physical Touch? Hugs and reassuring positive touch may be what they need. Words of Affirmation? This one is a little tricky. Refer back to #1. Tell them they are loved – maybe even what you love about them. Tell them their feelings are o.k. Here’s the key…remember it’s about THEM, not you.

4. When you fear saying the wrong thing, remember that sometimes silence is golden. Better to say “I’m thinking of you” and leave it at that then to have to spend time removing your foot from your mouth and hoping you didn’t make things harder on your grieving friend.

5. Keep it short and sweet. People who are grieving do not need to spend the extra energy trying to make sure you feel better when they are going through the healing process of losing a loved one. They also don’t need a lecture explaining all of the reasons they need to let go and heal. Be positive for them.

I want to stop short of what you shouldn’t say or do and end this on a positive note. There are a lot of things that fall in the category of Don’ts. If after reading this list you’re still puzzled as to what to say or do, then simply rely on the expertise of the people that work for Hallmark. 🙂

I complied this list based on my own experience and that of my friends who have lost husbands, babies, children, parents, and close friends. If you have any other advice you’d like to share, please join the conversation by leaving a comment. Thank you.

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In the valley of the shadow of death…

Posted in Big Announcements, Family, Growing Faith, Prayer Requests, thinking things through, Uncategorized on February 9, 2008| 15 Comments »

My Journey has led me to the grandest of mountain peaks where the sun glinting off the snowcaps was blindingly beautiful and my heart soared with eagle’s wings of joy. It has also led me through the driest and darkest of valleys where I felt like I would die of thirst if nourishment didn’t somehow get past my crusty and cracked lips. Such is life…and I don’t view it as something to be endured as much as something to be experienced while being fully present through the pain and the joy. I walk with God – or more like He walks with me. He chose me first and when I chose Him back, He promised He’d never leave me. In the past few weeks, I’ve clung to that promise.

I debated for a long time whether or not I would post about my sorrows. I’ve been skimming along the surface for awhile now, avoiding some tough things I’m supposed to discuss here. Blogging what I’m about to share is me taking the deepest breath I can and diving for the depths – partly out of obedience and mostly hoping and praying it will help someone else. If you’re coming along with me, breathe deep friend. I’m not coming back up for air until next week sometime.

I miscarried.

Those two words sent me into a state of shock and I’m still recovering. I think I will be for a long time. Without sharing all the details here, let me share with you why I was/am so shocked. I had a tubal ligation done 4 years ago when Petey was born. That decision was based on discussions with doctors about scar tissue I have from 3 previous c-sections. My babies don’t come out the other way. I felt strongly like I shouldn’t have a 4th c-section. We have always planned on adopting someday, so I was o.k. with not having any more babies.

Three weeks ago I miscarried. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until it happened. I think I was about 10 weeks along. It didn’t require any medical procedures. Though oxygen when I figured out what was happening would have been nice. Shock doesn’t even begin to cover it.

What does this mean? Questions flooded my mind like a geyser had erupted somewhere inside me and shot them straight through my brain stem. Was the tubal a mistake? Did it not work on one side or both? Did it work but my body healed itself during the recovery process after delivery? How did this happen? I know there are no guarantees but this method is one of the most fool-proof forms of sterilization? How could I beat the odds? I’m a statistic! Is God trying to tell me something? Am I supposed to have more children? We talked through that decision for a long time – were we wrong? Is sterilization wrong? Does God care about such things? Am I in danger of this happening again? Do we need to start using birth control again? Do I have another surgery if needed? Should I have exploratory procedures done to show me what happened? Wouldn’t it be nice to have health insurance right now? How do I feel about the possibility of having more children? How does Benny feel about it? What’s my fear here? Do I just wait and see what happens next? Do I tell people and ask for prayer? Who should I share this with? Why do we always think things like this happen to other people and never to us? Do we tell our kids? (We decided they are too young to understand.) How common is this?

The first week I spent in shock and asking questions. I was trying hard to wrap my brain around it. I was pregnant? Really? Then I taught at FACE and a girl in one of my classes wore a small pro-life pin on her shirt. It was baby feet at 10 weeks gestation. I saw that pin and felt like someone simultaneously slapped my face and punched me in the stomach. I faked my way through the rest of the morning, and came home to fall apart. The emotion I felt guilty for not having the week before came on hard and fast in tidal wave fashion. And here I sit two weeks later still processing and crying at the oddest times. I’m sure my hormones are still not back to normal, but I’m a crier anyway. Most of the time, I can talk about it without crying. Today has been hard though.

Yesterday I received an email from a college friend whom I’d not yet told about what I’d been going through. She was distraught because she miscarried this week. She had just found out last week that she was pregnant (5 weeks) and she was deliriously happy. This week she is depressed and healing and reaching out for support. I love this woman and I want to encourage her but I’m struggling with the how of it all. We all deal with loss in different ways. She knew about the baby before it was gone. I didn’t know about mine. It took me a week just to acknowledge that it was a BABY. Then came another shock. I had sent out an email to several friends telling them what I’m going through so they could pray for me as I process and grieve, and MORE THAN HALF of the women who emailed me back had miscarried and I didn’t even know. A few of the men had experienced the loss from a husband’s point of view. I hadn’t given much thought about it being a subject that isn’t discussed. I had no idea how common it was – even among my friends.

WHY??? Why didn’t I know? Why isn’t this shared? Why do people suffer alone and not surround themselves with a supportive community to help them cope? Am I strange to be so open in talking frankly about it? Is that just MY way of coping? I would have taken every opportunity to encourage and love on a friend going through something like this even when I didn’t have the first clue what it felt like to suffer this loss. I felt alone and didn’t know who to call when I was freaking out…I didn’t know. I did call a local friend who gets me and lets me be blunt, and she was fabulous! She had experienced miscarriage herself and she was of great comfort to me. Maybe I’ll get to be that person for someone else someday. Maybe it will be sooner than I think. I want to minister from in my pain. And that is where I am…in pain. Physically I’m fine. Mentally I’m still processing.

I have more to say, but it will have to wait until next time. I’m spent. I would appreciate your continued prayers that God’s will be done in my life and that I rely on His strength to get me through my valley of the shadow of death. Pray for my friend as well. If you’ve already prayed and/or sent me an email, thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I’ve always said I’m richly blessed when it comes to friends.

A few facts I found on the web:

25-50 % of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many women miscarry and don’t even know it – they think it’s a heavier than normal period.

Approximately 143 in 10,000 women get pregnant after having a tubal ligation. Most of them miscarry within the first trimester. The odds go up slightly 10 years after a tubal, but this is still one of the most effective (human error free) methods of sterilization.

A website I found helpful: www.pregnancyloss.info

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Since I didn’t write a Christmas letter…

Posted in Random, thinking things through on December 31, 2007| 5 Comments »

Part of me is glad to say goodbye to 2007. The part that wishes I could do a lot of things over, do them better, and maybe have some different outcomes. But rather than dwell on what I can’t change in the past, I’m going to focus on today and make a better tomorrow. Yikes. I sound like a campaign slogan! We had a hard year, but it was also sprinkled with many blessings. Here’s to counting the blessings:

January – We began SEVENS, spent some time on the streets and prayed over the areas we would be working in. We also focused on raising financial support. I attended the Whole Hearted Mother Conference in Colorado Springs with my friends Paula and Carmen. We stayed at the luxurious Broadmoor hotel, and had a great time. I wrote about it in this post.

February – The highlight of February was the day one of Benny’s dreams came true and he bought a motorcycle. He enjoyed working on it and making it his own. The plan was to ride it back and forth to Boulder during good weather to save us money on gas. It only lasted a few months, then needed some expensive repairs we couldn’t afford. That’s one of our goals for the Spring is to save enough money to get it fixed before summer comes around.

March – Was one of my favorite months of 2007. One of my dreams came true when we decided to use part of our tax refund to buy me a laptop. I had been wanting one for a long time to make my writing time a little easier and also for ministry use. Our friends Alyssa and Brian came for a visit from Indianapolis. I spent a wonderful day in Buena Vista with my friend Linda. I traveled to Kansas City to spend a few days with my best friend Tawnya. We went to the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit and had a good time hanging out and eating at our favorite restaurants. It was so good to spend time with her and made me miss the days we lived closer to each other.

April – Was a month of great sadness and joy. Benny’s grandpa died so he and his brother Rex traveled to Texas for the funeral. They took Max, Zoe, and my niece Lilli along for the road trip. Petey and I had some time at home alone. Being the youngest child hasn’t allowed us as much one on one time as he needs, so it was a fun few days for us. The week after the rest of the family got back from Texas, we celebrated the best milestone in Max’s life. On April 21st, Benny and I had the honor of baptizing Max together. It was a wonderful day and we had a big party at our house.

May – Benny and I celebrated 14 years of marriage. Zoe was in the school talent show with one of her classes. We spent a fun day with our friends Joe and Heather Hughes and their kids at the Erie Fest. We got up at 6 a.m. to watch 60+ hot air balloons launch from a field near their home. It was amazing.

June – Was our busiest month of the year. It began with Graduation and the promotion ceremony for our Friday School group. Benny had a good time visiting with Tim Chapman (from Dog The Bounty Hunter) Tim was our speaker for graduation and the father of one of our graduating Seniors. Katherine, our summer intern for SEVENS, arrived to spend 6 weeks with us. The kids spent a week with Benny’s parents in Buena Vista so they could attend their VBS. Petey and Zoe spent a week in Wyoming with Rex and family while Benny, Max and I went to Oklahoma City for Zenith. The day after we arrived home, Benny performed the wedding ceremony for our friends Corey and Tricia. The day after that I got to be part of a murder mystery birthday party for my friend Wendy. Two days later we celebrated Benny’s 38th birthday. Yeah…it was a very busy month.

July – We spent the week of the 4th up in Buena Vista with Benny’s family. I got to meet Benny’s brother Ronnie and his wife Teresa, and of course visit with Linda. Our friend Andy (from Houston) was here for a week with part of his youth group. Our kids participated in VBS at Foothills Community Church. Several people from our church family at The Journey came with us to Boulder and we had a big dinner in the park for our streetkids. Tawnya came to Denver for a few days to spend my 35th birthday with me, and we toured Celestial Seasonings. I threw myself a birthday bash and some of my favorite girlfriends joined me for a progressive supper at Carrabbas, The Cheesecake Factory, and Starbucks. It was a GREAT night.

August – I went to Wisconsin for my little sister’s wedding, and was able to spend a few days with my parents and one of my brothers. We geared up for the start of a new school year. We missed Katherine being here.

September – We began classes at FACE. Benny is teaching a class this year which is good on many levels. It’s nice to have him there on Friday mornings and it offsets our cost of the classes our kids are enrolled in. I took on more of an administrative role by accepting the responsibility of keeping attendance records for the school. I also sub for a few of my friends who are teachers. I attended Women of Faith with a few of my friends I don’t see often enough. We hosted 9 little boys for a slumber party on Max’s 8th birthday. THAT was an adventure!

October– Zoe turned 5 years old. She gets more beautiful every year. Benny traveled to Chicago to speak at a youth weekend with our friend Kevin. October was low key for both our family and our ministry.

November – Benny’s Great Uncle John died, so he traveled to Texas for the second time this year for a funeral. I was asked to be on the Board of Directors for FACE. Our streetkids began to migrate from the streets to other areas for the winter. This means a bit of a change for the winter months both in location and focus. I saw Pride & Prejudice on stage at the Denver Performing Arts Center the week before Thanksgiving. Heather, Paula, Sarah and I went and had a great time. I love all things Jane Austen! I reconnected with an old college friend and she has blessed our family by creating a new logo for our ministry. It will be revealed to all sometime soon.

December – All three kids were in the Christmas program. Zoe was Mary, Petey was a wise man, and Max was a boy helping his brother tell their other siblings the Christmas Story. We were “off school” this month. Max and Benny both had root canals with Max’s tooth needing to be pulled. (fun fun) We fought illness all month long and ended up spending Christmas Day at home instead of our usual tradition of eating Chinese Food out and going to a movie.  It was a good day anyway.  Petey turned 4 two days ago.  He says he’s a little boy now and I can’t call him my baby anymore.

Thanks for sticking with me through this long post, and all of the other ones I’ve written this year. You have blessed me with your presence, challenged me to stretch and grow, and encouraged me with your comments. I wish you many blessings for the new year. It’s New Year’s Eve and the kids are planning on staying up until midnight. We’ll see if they make it. 😉 I’m off to work on my new planner for 2008, do laundry, and bake cookies. Many blessings friend!

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