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Archive for the ‘thinking things through’ Category

A Night Owl’s Reprieve

Posted in Learning to Cope, October Challenge, thinking things through, Works for me on October 16, 2011| 6 Comments »

Here it is friends, the conclusion to the insomnia posts, for now. After my discussion with Benny about my sleep issues and thinking through our kid’s sleep patterns, I wanted to dig a little deeper. I’ve read several articles and received advice from many friends, and I have some new conclusions which may change again in the future, who knows?

As with most topics, there are a wide range of opinions. I was pretty sure I knew the cause of my insomnia, and there is plenty of data to back it up, but then I read a few articles on Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, which is a fancy name for being an extreme night owl. It has to do with the circadian rhythm and where most people can make their bodies adjust to earlier bed and wake times, people with this disorder (I really hate that word) cannot, and attempts at therapies to correct it cause a variety of issues such as depression and physical illness. Often there is a feeling of having a lack of will power or others viewing you as lazy because it’s difficult for you to get up in the morning. BUT, those who have DSPS usually get good sleep once they go to sleep, it just happens later in the 24 hour cycle than the societal norm.

I was chatting about this with my friend Beckie today and I told her that my perfect sleeping hours – the ones that feel most natural to me – are 2 a.m. to 9 a.m. If left to sleep when my body wants to, and wake up feeling rested, this is when I sleep. But friends, it’s an early bird world we live in, and all the early birds want us night owls to conform. Whether or not I am ever diagnosed with DSPS, I have almost all of the symptoms, and guess what? It’s thought to be hereditary. I know both of my parents are morning people, so it must not come from them, but it does explain why my son Max has similar tendencies.

Now, this doesn’t mean I’m ruling out a calcium or magnesium deficiency, or the amount of stress in my life, or even the fear aspect of going to sleep, but it was eye-opening for me to read that this isn’t as uncommon as I thought. This article mentioned a few therapies that have been tried to help those who might suffer from DSPS such as practicing good sleep hygiene, light therapy, Chronotherapy, and Melatonin, which incidentally can cause nightmares and actually disrupt sleep. Hmmm…interesting. I’ve taken Melatonin – a natural OTC supplement sold in the U.S. – a few times to help me relax and sleep. The article also listed several external links on the subject of sleep disorders. It’s interesting reading if this topic suits you.

There is a group out there called the B-Society. I haven’t fully researched them, but I loved this blurb on their website:

Why do we need to work at the same time and in identical patterns as the industrial times, when today’s innovation society does not demand this from us? Especially now, when we discover that a fourth of our entire population does not even fit to this old-fashioned day rhythm?

Why do we all have to be stuck on the road to work every morning and hurry back from there to pick up the kids before the day-care centre closes, when actually this could be different?

B-Society’s mission is to change the structures, on the labour market and in society at large, so B-people can finally fit in. We are going to reckon with the 8-4 society and its lacking respect for B-persons’ day rhythms.

YEAH! Oh…um…sorry. So now that I’m even more (and less) confused about my insomnia, let me wrap this up for us, okay?

I do feel that my natural circadian rhythm is okay and because of the lifestyle we have chosen (running our own ministry, freelance writing and homeschooling), I don’t see a reason to change that. Thank God Benny doesn’t either. He doesn’t get the whole being a night owl thing, but he loves and supports me and said he’ll get the kids going in the morning with breakfast, their chore charts, and school work until I get up. In turn, I’ll get everyone ready for bed and tucked in at night. I love it when a plan comes together. 😉 Speaking of plans, here’s mine, and it’s even better than the one I came up with the other day.

I’m going to keep a sleep diary for the next few weeks and figure out if I’m correct in the 2-9 a.m. thing and adjust accordingly.

I will make sure that I take my vitamins, drink plenty of water (blech), and get my exercise.

I will practice good sleep hygiene, and get a regular bedtime routine down, and then I will reevaluate. My hypothesis is that I will discover I do have a delayed sleep pattern but it’s not necessarily a disadvantage.

I will track my normal habits and see what patterns emerge, and I’ll revisit this topic with an update in about a month.

I know there are other factors to insomnia, but I want to see what happens when I approach this from a physical standpoint. We’ll see…

So, are you a night owl or an early bird? An A person or a B person? Are you happy with whichever you are?

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Night Owl Nowell Kids

Posted in Family, Nowell Kiddos, October Challenge, thinking things through on October 13, 2011| 3 Comments »

I was one of those moms who assumed that when we had children, they would conform to fit our lifestyle. Babies are not the center of the universe, right? So when Max was born, I was pleased when he followed our cues. We were full-time youth ministers at the time which meant a lot of late nights. After he began sleeping through the night, he kept our hours pretty well, plus a few naps during the day. From an early age, he went to bed late and slept late. It worked for all of us, and still does.

Then Zoe was born, and that girl was on her own schedule! She was not about to conform to anyone’s plans, and had her own ideas about sleep and wake cycles. She demanded an elaborate bedtime routine, but slept pretty well. As a 9-year-old, she fights going to sleep. She’s the kid that thinks she’s going to miss out on something.

Pete has been a sleeper since day one. He’s almost 8 and still randomly crashes on the couch or in the van if he’s tired. BUT, like his Popa, he’s a morning person. Early on we made a rule that he had to wait until 8 a.m. to come into our room. He’s a cuddler and he’d wake us up by 6 every day jumping on the bed and squirming his way under the covers. He still wakes up before me and crawls into bed, but now he has to wait until Benny’s awake and says it’s okay.

3 kids, 3 different sleep patterns.

Thinking through this stuff has made me realize that our kids have some sleep issues too. Max had night terrors when he was 4. It was awful! What a helpless feeling as a parent. Thankfully he outgrew them after a few months. Zoe is a sleep-walker. We had to put a hotel style lock high up on our front door because we caught her trying to leave the house one night. Sometimes she cries and mumbles but we can’t understand what she’s saying. Pete has occasional nightmares.

How much of this is inherited?

Benny was a sleep-walker as a kid, and I have a long history of nightmares. Is it less about traits being passed along from parent to child and more about stress levels, vitamin deficiencies, and learned behaviors? I’m doing a little research and will be back here next time with information from some experts.

I’m finding this topic fascinating, but I’m nearing the end of this unplanned series. Bear with me as I wrap things up.

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Insomnia has an ugly face, Part 3

Posted in Learning to Cope, October Challenge, thinking things through on October 12, 2011| 3 Comments »

Now that I’ve confessed what I think is the cause of my life-long insomnia, it’s time to decide what to do about it. I have three choices:

  1. I can continue in the pattern I’m used to.
  2. I can modify the current situation.
  3. I can completely overhaul my internal clock and body rhythm and turn myself into a morning person.

I’m going with #2. After almost 40 years of being a night owl, I’m really not interested in changing that aspect of me.  I truly feel more productive after 5 p.m. I was even born at 11:29 p.m. 😉 Whether it’s a learned behavior or an innate one, I have absolutely no desire to get up before 8 a.m.  Ever. I do it for special occasions like going to my writer’s group every Tuesday morning, and the occasional breakfast date, but that last one rarely happens because most of my friends are also night owls.

So what’s my plan? I’m so glad you asked.

According to the American Sleep Association, there are a few things I can do to promote good sleep.

  1. Maintain a regular sleep routine by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, give or take 20 minutes. I can do that. Except for Tuesdays.
  2. Avoid naps. I already do that. Naps make me feel disoriented. If I’m going to sleep, I expect to wake up the next day.
  3. Don’t stay in bed awake for more than 5-10 minutes. This one is a problem for me as I tend to be a clock watcher. The ASA recommends getting up and letting your mind race while sitting in a chair and then return to bed when you’re sleepy. And hide the clock if you must. Hmmm…I’ll have to work on that one.
  4. Don’t watch TV or read in bed. It promotes wakefulness. They say the bed is only for 2 things: Sleep and Hanky Panky. I didn’t know people still used that phrase.
  5. Avoid inappropriate substances that interfere with sleep. Caffeine, alcohol, cigarettes, and even some OTC medications cause disruptive sleep. None of these are a problem for me.
  6. Have a quiet, comfortable bedroom. Cool is better than too warm, and darkness is important. Check. Our bedroom is like a cave it’s so dark and cool in there, but obviously this one hasn’t helped me.
  7. Have a comfortable pre-bedtime routine. They suggest a warm bath or shower, and quiet time. Exactly. That IS my quiet time. Everyone else has been asleep for hours by the time I go to bed. I covet that time.

I don’t take medication unless I’m really sick, so sleep aids are not for me. I think the pre-bedtime routine coupled with consistent sleep and wake times will help me the most. That’s what I’m going to try first. Midnight to 8 a.m. sounds about right. I’ll take some time tomorrow to come up with a good bedtime routine and post it here.

I’m still thinking through all of this, so tomorrow’s post will be about children and sleep. I’ll tell you about my boys: my sleep pattern copycat and my little early bird. As is the story of her life, my girl fits somewhere in between the two.

It feels good to write all this out, and it’s so much cheaper than therapy. 😉

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Insomnia has an ugly face, Part 2

Posted in Learning to Cope, October Challenge, thinking things through on October 9, 2011| 3 Comments »

There are many causes to my insomnia, and no, I’ve not been officially diagnosed. I’m overweight and have a pretty sedentary lifestyle (I’m actively working on that), I have terrible sleep hygiene (that was a new phrase for me), I have a lot of stress in my life, and I’ve been grieving for a few months. BUT, there was another part to Benny’s epiphany about my sleep behavior, and I suspect that IT is the long-term cause.

Remember when I said I’ve been a night owl since early childhood? I argued with Benny that I didn’t choose to be this way, I just am, and the length of time I’ve been doing this proves it. He countered with reminding me that a lot of the major trauma in my life happened when I was very young.

He thinks not sleeping is a defense mechanism – my subconscious trying to keep my body safe. If I’m awake I can be on guard, but if I’m asleep, I’m vulnerable. That used to be the scariest word in my vocabulary, as it is for most abused kids. But I’m an adult now and I sleep next to Benny. Have you seen my husband? If he can’t keep me safe while I sleep, who can? I know it’s not about him, or even about being an adult and outgrowing this not-sleeping thing. I still have some issues to face, bad habits to break, and good sleep hygiene to practice. The nightmares? I have no idea what to do about them even though I have a good idea why I’m having them this week.

Okay insomniac friends: Do you have any ideas why YOU struggle with sleep? How do you handle it?

More tomorrow in Part 3: The conclusion.

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Insomnia has an ugly face

Posted in Learning to Cope, October Challenge, thinking things through on October 8, 2011| 14 Comments »

I had an epiphany today that was quite painful. It would be more accurate to say that Benny had an epiphany about me and I knew in my heart he was right, so in the spirit of being transparent and real, I’m going to confess it to you. Surely I’m not the only one.

I don’t sleep…unless I have to. I don’t like to sleep. I feel like it’s a waste of time when I could be doing other things. I have been a night owl ever since I can remember. I’m talking early childhood here. That is my body rhythm and it feels set in stone. I have a child who has the same tendency. He’s always copied my rhythm. Occasionally I have what I call a “crash day” where I can barely function and I seem to catch up on the sleep I’ve been missing. No big announcement there, right? That’s not abnormal. Lots of people are like that. But here’s the epiphany:

I don’t sleep because it makes me feel out of control.

I have nightmares. I dream about the mistakes I’ve made and the people I’ve hurt. I dream about being abused and committing crimes. Old lovers haunt my dreams. One of my recurring dreams is of not being able to reach my destination – no matter how important the task, I get sidetracked.

Some of you may think this is a no-brainer. It’s my subconscious mind working through stress and expressing unforgiveness in my heart. Maybe that’s true, and maybe it’s more than that.

Anyone else ever have this problem?

Part 2 tomorrow…

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