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Archive for the ‘Learning to Cope’ Category

Catching up after Covid

Posted in Big Announcements, Family, Free to be me, Joy in the Journey, Learning to Cope, Loooong Post on July 11, 2023| 2 Comments »

Whew! Where to begin? So much has happened in the almost three years since I’ve posted here. I’m ready to share again, so grab a cup of tea and fall into your favorite chair. We have some catching up to do!

September 28th, 2020. That’s the last time I posted. I was whining about my 10th day of Covid. I was sick and sad, having just lost my dear Linda, my sweet and sassy friend and mentor. I had to miss her funeral because of Covid. I had no clue that things were about to get much, MUCH worse. 

Later that same night, just a few hours after I posted here, my beloved father-in-law had a heart attack and died. Two days later, I was hospitalized because my Covid infection was so bad that I couldn’t breathe well on my own. The day I came home from the hospital, Benny was admitted. We watched my father-in-law’s funeral online, me from home, and Benny from his hospital bed. Visitors were not allowed, and I was still too sick to go see him anyway. Our family was grieving way too many things at once, and our kids were terrified they’d lose us too. We were thankful they did not get sick!

The hospital sent Benny home too soon, and when he went for a follow up appointment with a pulmonologist, they took him straight from that office to the closest ER at a different hospital. He was put through some pretty aggressive treatments and came home nine days later, but there were a few days there we were concerned he wouldn’t make it. He had a talk with his doctor about whether or not he needed to try to get his affairs in order. Forgive this quick summary of our story, but we survived Covid-19. Benny was off work for 72 days. It was a ROUGH time for our family. One of the roughest things we’ve faced so far. 

Our kids were rockstars and took care of us. My friend Kelcy created a Meal Train for us and our people rallied and brought us food, sent gift cards and money, and gifts. A couple of my friends made a birthday cake for Zoe, who turned 18 the day after I came home from the hospital. We were enveloped in loving support, and I will forever be grateful for every single person who took care of us through that whole horrific season!

You know what didn’t survive Covid? Some of my friendships. Every time I’d see people in my Facebook feed THAT KNEW US still shouting that Covid wasn’t that big of a deal, or hear our dumb ass president talk about “the China virus” or the “plandemic”, I wanted to scream and punch something. We (the world) lost way too many loved ones to Covid, and I decided I didn’t want to spend my energy on people who would downplay a virus that put me in the hospital for a week and almost took my husband from me. Aaaaand, some of them didn’t like what I had to say and unfriended me on Facebook. Buh-bye! 

We spent the first half of 2021 recovering. That year we made the difficult decision to end SEVENS, our long-running ministry and food bank. I went full-time at my job. Pete graduated from high school officially bringing my homeschooling days to an end, as well as my years of teaching at FACE. I didn’t grieve that season’s end because I was truly grateful for it, but I did grieve how it ended. My longtime friend and director of our school and I had a falling out and she made the end of our schooling era pretty shitty. It was such a shock! It was bad enough that Pete decided not to walk with his class, and we had our own celebration at home. A few of our mutual friends decided I wasn’t worth trying to work through the drama, so she got them in the divorce. Ugh. What a painful season that was! 

2022 was better than the previous two years. Life evened out a bit for several months. We entered a new season with all three kids being legal adults. We both had job security and we both got raises! I started writing again, mostly for myself – nothing public. We still dealt with some long Covid symptoms, but were vastly improved. The fall of 2022 brought an unexpected medical diagnosis and I started taking my health more seriously. That’s ongoing and I may post more about that in the future. I will say that I am LOVING my water fitness class and the smell of chlorine has become a comfort scent as I make forward progress on my health journey.

I want to share so much more with you, but I’ll save some things for future posts. 😉

So, where have you been? What’s happening in your life? Where are you headed this year?

Let’s reconnect!

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Covid-19, Day 10

Posted in Family, Learning to Cope, Prayer Requests, tagged , on September 28, 2020| 3 Comments »

Yep. I have it. Every day I get a text from my parents and several friends asking if I’m starting to feel better yet. The ugly truth is I feel so much worse than I did 10 days ago when I tested positive. Each day my worst symptoms change just a bit, but every day I. Am. Miserable. I know who I got it from, and I have been self-isolating so I don’t spread it to others, except Benny because we share everything. Yikes. The rest of the family tested negative, then Benny started having symptoms and tested positive on the second test. Thank God our kids are fine and totally self-sufficient!

You’ve probably heard this affects every person differently, so here’s what I’m experiencing in case you want to compare notes, or if you’re one of those people still spouting off that this is, “just the flu” and not that bad.

I’ve had a constant headache that doesn’t go away with medication or even ice on the back of my head and neck. I’ve got sinus congestion and drainage, which is probably what is causing my sore throat. I’m coughing so hard I’m vomiting or peeing myself, sometimes both. My fever is fluctuating between 99 and 101.7 degrees. There is no part of my body that doesn’t hurt – even my hair hurts. I lost my sense of taste and smell, which was pretty trippy. Now that my taste is coming back, every flavor feels like too much – too sweet, or too spicy, or too bland. I’m asthmatic and my chest is so tight I can’t take a deep breath without choking. I have just enough energy to get myself up to use the bathroom which is good because…diarrhea. UGH. I am not sugarcoating anything for you. This virus is nasty!

I am monitoring all my vitals, taking supplements and vitamins, and my doctor says I’m doing everything I am supposed to do – I just have to rest and drink lots of fluids and wait this out, unless I can’t breathe, then I’m heading to the ER. I am weary.

I was crushed to have to miss Linda’s funeral last Saturday, and even though it was livestreamed, I was so sick I slept right through it. ☹

As hard as this is, there are silver linings in the form of our people:

  • My SIL in Washington ordered us enough pizza to feed the kids for a few days, and she and my brother call me every day to check on us and tell me they’re praying for us.
  • Benny’s BFF brought me yogurt, bananas, and OJ when those were the only things I thought I could keep down. He continues to check on us and drop little things off here and there.
  • One of my tribe did a grocery trip/porch drop off for us.
  • One of my tribe sent me a Grubhub gift card.
  • One of my tribe dropped off Manuka honey, Elderberry, and Goldenseal Root for me today. We are throwing everything we can at this to see what helps.
  • Our parents call or text us every day, and several friends keep checking in on us. That makes me feel loved.
  • My older brother (by a year) left me a “Checking on you, baby sister” message, and my younger brother who has already recovered from Covid checked on me too. Brothers for the win!!
  • My boss/friend has been extremely understanding about my need for flexibility with my work schedule.
  • Benny qualified for special PTO that won’t count against his regular PTO so even though my income is suffering right now, his is not.

I know we will recover from this and for that I am grateful, but it’s day 10 and recovery isn’t happening just yet, and patience has never been a virtue I possess. It blows my damn mind that I still have a few friends calling this a plandemic, and a hoax. I kind of hate them right now, but I wouldn’t wish this on them either.

Please be smart and stay safe, friends!

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Loving Linda

Posted in Family, Joy in the Journey, Learning to Cope, tagged , on September 15, 2020| Leave a Comment »

She called me a breath of fresh air. She also called me out on my shit. She took me to lunch and gifted me with pretty things. When we lived states away from each other, she wrote me long, handwritten letters. She looked me in the eye when she talked to me and every now and then she’d reach out and squeeze my hand. She laughed at my jokes, reassured me I’d be just fine when I was weighed down with worry and sadness, and she always ended our chats with, “I love you, honey.”

I wrote this about her in a blog post 15 years ago:

“I had the privilege of spending a few precious hours with Linda today, my friend and mentor. It’s so nice to know we live in the same town again – even for a short time. She picked me up and we went shopping for a bit, went to her eye doctor, then enjoyed lunch together. We ate Chinese food, and since she had her eyes dilated, she asked me to read the fortune from her cookie. I made one up that kept us laughing for several minutes. There is seldom a moment of silence when we are together!

Linda is 60 something, has blonde spiky hair (Clairol, like me), beautiful eyes and a bright lip-sticked smile. She loves big silver jewelry – the bigger the better, fell in love with her husband when she was 17, collects chili pepper stuff, loves chocolate, and reads more than any woman I know. She has some health challenges, but mostly takes them in stride. She is the only woman in my life that prays with me every time we’re together. She and I have talked and struggled through some deep stuff. She gives me wise counsel and points me back to God. She has two daughters already, so I tease her that I’m a bonus. Her daughter Corrine calls me her sister from another mother.

Linda gives the best hugs and she’s always thrilled to see me. As much as I get from our friendship, she tells me that I’m a drink of fresh water! Nobody has ever talked about me like that. The funniest thing about our relationship? We met at a garage sale! Our friendship dates back to BC – before children (mine of course – hers are older than me). She is one of my favorite balcony people. How I love and respect this woman! She affirms me and releases me to be who I am. She makes me a better me.” ~April 2005

Corrine contacted me late last night to tell me Linda passed away yesterday, surrounded by her family. I don’t know the details yet, I just know I am aching and heartbroken. It’s been hard to breathe all year, but this loss has been my greatest and I need a pause. I learned long ago not to wait to let the people I love know how I feel about them. The comforting thought holding me together right now is that there is no doubt in my mind that Linda knew the depth of my love for her. Say what you need to say. Do it now. Don’t wait.

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Where were you when Covid-19 spread across the globe?

Posted in Learning to Cope, thinking things through on March 23, 2020| 2 Comments »

Is this one of those moments in history we should chronicle because someone in the future will ask us, “Where were you when Covid-19 spread across the globe?”

I was in elementary school when President Reagan was shot. Our class mailed him a get well card.

Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married on my 9th birthday, so that’s memorable for me.

I experienced the collective shock of the space shuttle Challenger exploding while I was sitting with my friends in class in middle school.

I was a junior in high school when the Berlin Wall came down – we have a piece of it.

I was a young married woman with family in Oklahoma City when Timothy McVeigh blew up the federal building there.

We were living in Colorado and I was pregnant with Max during the Columbine shooting. I sat in front of the TV, tears running down my face and one hand rubbing my belly as I wondered what kind of world we were bringing a child into.

We were living in Indianapolis that crisp fall morning in 2001 when I left for Bible study. Shortly after arriving, I watched in horror on live TV as a plane flew into the 2nd twin tower of the World Trade Center, and then I saw them fall.

Microscopic view of Coronavirus, a pathogen that attacks the respiratory tract. Analysis and test, experimentation. Sars

There are so many historical touch points and defining moments in our lives. Those were just a handful of mine.  Could this be another one? What will people in the future say about this pandemic? Will they ask questions like these?

  • What was it like?
  • Were you scared?
  • Did you blow it off as no big deal at first?
  • Did you really quarantine for ___ days?
  • What did you do all day?
  • What did you do when the stores ran out of necessities?
  • How did you ration your toilet paper?
  • Did anyone in your family test positive for Covid-19?
  • Did you lose anyone close to you due to the virus?
  • How did people treat each other? Was it everyone for themselves or were people community-minded?
  • Who were the leaders that instilled calm into the chaos and hope into the fear?

I want to record details now to help me remember then. How are you doing with all of this? What’s happening in your family? Your city? Your state? Your country? The collective stories will be memorable because we help make them part of the official record of our time. Write it down. Take photos. Scrapbook or journal things out. Answer the question.

Where were you?

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So It Begins!

Posted in Blogging365, Learning to Cope, thinking things through on January 1, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Day 1. January 1st. A fresh start. 365 days of possibility stretched out before me. New beginnings. A chance to do better and be better. But, I’m still feeling the sorrowful weight of 2018. I don’t know how long it will last. Here’s what I want for the new year…

EASY-button

I don’t make resolutions anymore – I never keep them. What I do is hope. I hope to be intentional this year, in my relationships, my work, my health, my writing, my travel, my rest, my faith, and most of all, my family.

2018 kicked my ass. I am down for the count and I’m fighting to stand back up. I moved beyond sad awhile ago and I’m struggling with depression. This past week I had friends on Facebook asking us to list three good things that happened to us in 2018, and I sat there numbly staring at my screen. Could I think of three?

  1. Amsterdam & France. The mom’s mystery trip was the best thing that happened to me in 2018. Traveling to another country with some of my close friends and spending the day with Don in France was AMAZING!
  2. Erin graduated in May. Erin is my neighbor and one of my “daughter from another mother” kids. Traditional school was not a good fit for her, so I worked with her mom and we helped her homeschool her last two years of high school. Homeschooling is HARD, but I am built to do hard things.
  3. I’m thinking…

In the name of processing hard things, here’s my 2018:

At the beginning of the year I started a new job I thought would be amazing but turned out to be awful. I don’t want to work for abusive people with zero integrity who lie and manipulate others to get what they want. When I started back at GJK in June, I came home and cried that first day. I had forgotten what it felt like to be treated with respect and as an integral part of a team. The joke has been that I took a five month sabbatical from them and everyone is glad I’m back. Me too.

Someone dear and close to us broke the law and twelve months later we are still walking through the fallout of that bad decision with them – it’s not over.

What I initially thought was a break from my church turned into a break up. I am dismayed by much of American Christianity and navigating what that looks like for my faith journey. I’ll be blogging more about that sometime this year.

The mystery trip was a wonderful adventure, but I was betrayed by a friend shortly after we returned home. I didn’t see it coming and it completely blind-sided me. Then she cut me out of her life and I just don’t understand. I’m still mad as hell about it.

For the first time in twenty years, I missed out on summer camp. I had just returned to work with GJK and Benny was job hunting. We just couldn’t make it happen.

Letting go of the cigar shop and dealing with unemployment for a few months was a huge challenge. We survived it, but I can’t even talk about the difficulty of that season. It’s still too raw.

Kids: Max had two car accidents and two tickets, we had to sell his car for scrap when we couldn’t sink any more money into it to fix it (it wasn’t the car in the accidents), job changes for the kids, teenage hormones and angst, and a medical issue that had us worried for months that seems to be resolved now, and all three of my children had their hearts broken, which hurts a momma’s heart too. It was a hard year for the whole family.

We have several friends fighting serious health battles, a few of whom have stopped treatment and are trying to live their best life with the time they have left.

And death, oh the deaths. One of my former students passed away. The loss of a child in one’s life is particularly hard. A sweet young lady we’ve known for many years shocked everyone who knew her when she took her own life. We love her family and feel their heartache. As you know from my last post, Avon Shields lost her battle with cancer and that devastated me. My 14-year-old niece Sarah got sick and passed away the week before Christmas. While I didn’t know her because we’ve never lived close, it was excruciating to watch my sister lose her only child. It was terrible speaking with my dad on the phone and hearing his voice break. Her funeral was last Saturday on Pete’s birthday. On Christmas Day we learned of the passing of our friend Davon the day before. It was a year of great loss and I’m still reeling.

There are things that happened in 2018 that I am processing privately. Hurtful, ugly things that make me want to change my name, move somewhere no one can find me, and tell the whole world to go to hell. That doesn’t sound like me at all, but it’s where I’m at. 2019 has got to be better, right?

And now that I’ve purposefully tried to think of three good things about 2018, I’m remembering several more…

  1. I made new friends.
  2. I enjoyed lots of planned coffee dates in person and messenger or phone dates with friends far away.
  3. I saw some good movies.
  4. I read a lot of great books.
  5. I met several amazing authors I love.
  6. I got a free educator’s pass to Denver Comic Con – spent some time with my friend Rebecca and we got a photo with Val Kilmer.
  7. I reconnected with old friends I haven’t seen in years.
  8. I wrote a little bit.
  9. I led some fun field trips with my homeschooling mom friends.
  10. I prayed for a lot of people and was prayed for too.
  11. My food bank was thriving and I helped lots of families
  12. My dad and Shari came for a visit.
  13. I learned some new skills that will serve me well in the future.
  14. I bought a vintage 1930’s typewriter and won a pretty cool 1970’s one for a poem.
  15. Benny got a great new job.

I’d keep working on this list, but I really just want to move through the grief process and look forward to good things in the new year. I know every year is a mixed bag. That’s life, and it’s never fair, but for now I’m signing off with this…

Good riddance 2018. You may have kicked my ass, but 2019 is going to kick yours.

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