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Archive for the ‘Free to be me’ Category

w teacher quote black

I wouldn’t be who I am today without the teachers who’ve poured into me over the years. I’m grateful for all of the men and women who did their best to educate and inspire me from Kindergarten through college, but there are two women who share the title, “Niki’s Favorite Teacher.”

Elementary school was particularly rough for me – LOTS of family drama, and at the end of 3rd grade, my mom moved me and my brothers across the state to a little town called Random Lake. I joined a soccer team, quickly made friends, fell in love (wait for the crush post in a few days), and won the 4th grade spelling bee. Other than major dental surgery and a crabby old lady teacher, it was a pretty good year for me. Then I moved on to 5th grade and my life changed forever.

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Miss Kintop was tall, single, an unabashed lover of all things Terry Bradshaw and…wait for it…BOOKS. Yeah, now you know where I’m going with this, don’t you? I’m sure I learned a lot that year, but all I remember is her reading to us after lunch every day. There were kids who would doze off a bit or fidget out of boredom. Not me. I was enthralled with her voice, the way she held books, and absolutely loved that she’d have to stop reading now and then to breathe deeply and wipe away a tear, or clear her throat before continuing. I’m convinced if all teachers read aloud like that, there would be no literacy problems in our country.

I learned how to read when I was three years old, but I learned to love reading while I sat in Miss Kintop’s class at age ten. It probably helped that the other object of my affection that year was sitting in the 5th grade class next door, not distracting me. 😉 Miss Kintop started sending me home with books and challenged me to read at a higher level, and I did. She praised and hugged me, telling me what a good student I was, which made me want to try even harder. Yes, I was THAT kid. My reading level jumped that year and I’ve been at the top of the charts ever since. People are my first love, but books are a close second, followed by music…

music-love-pretty-quotes-quote-Favim.com-572562Mrs. Allen was my high school music teacher. I’m of the opinion she should be sainted. She was THE mother figure of my high school years. I spent as much time with her as possible, helping her out with ANY task she’d give me. Eventually she’d gently tell me to go home. I remember her as a freshmen, taking my face in her hands, looking into my eyes and calling me a little songbird with a beautiful voice. She told me to sing my song. For a girl like me who soaked up any love I could get like a dry sponge, those were words of life! I had the privilege of being in several of her musical groups and taking private voice lessons through her and my other wonderful music director, Mr. Aronson. They helped me develop my musical gift, and gave me an opportunity to belong.

Mrs. Allen formed a couple of quartets and that’s how I connected with the girl who would become my high school best friend. She found several opportunities for us to perform in our community, but knew my mom could never afford the outfits I needed for our performances, so Mrs. Allen not only paid for mine, she also sewed/altered them for me. I know I’m not the only one she took care of like that. She was so good to me. One of the last times I saw her, I was home visiting from college and got to tell her about my engagement. She took my face in her hands again and smiled at me with shining eyes, then pulled me into a hug and whispered to me, “Congratulations! I am so happy for you, you beautiful girl!”

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Words and music threw open doors of freedom for me and now I’m a teacher, hoping I’m making an everlasting impression on my students. I’m speaking life to them and inspiring them towards greater confidence and their own freedom. I teach Drama at a private school on Fridays, and every week my students high-five me on the way out the door. And yes, I notice the ones who remind me of my younger self. I go out of my way to smile at them with shining eyes and pour love on those sweet little sponges.

Go read about the teachers who inspired my challenger friends:

Don at donhillson.wordpress.com

Beckie at free2b2much.blogspot.com

Tracy at countyroadchronicles.wordpress.com

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Benny HeadshotAllow me to gush for a moment. Isn’t he handsome? This is the love of my life.

It was a cold day in January when we met on the campus of York College in York, Nebraska. I remember it clearly. He does not. Whatever. It wasn’t until a couple of months later when we were both cast in the school play that I really took notice of him. We were dating a month later, and unofficially engaged a month after that. Benny likes to tell people I proposed to him, but we all know that’s not true. After all, I had the entire York choir present when he popped the famous question. There are LOTS of juicy details to our story, but for the sake of this post, I’m going to skip ahead to the present day.

benny3In May we celebrated twenty-two years of marriage, y’all! I threw that “y’all” in there for his benefit, since he’s a Texan. Yes, that sweet, funny, polite, southern boy married me – a kind, fierce, opinionated, Yankee girl. Along the way we learned what love really means and we’ve been spreading it around as much as possible ever since. We made three cute babies, who are growing up nicely. People can’t decide if they look more like me or him. What do you think?

Benny and the kidsI’m okay with them looking like him. My bearded wonder is hot!

And funny. The kids got that from him too.

benny2For our 20th anniversary, I spent a month making a list of things I love about Benny. It’s a little long to share the whole thing, but here are a few of the highlights:

Benny is intentional. He still pursues me. He is kind. Friends and strangers alike are drawn to his kindness. He has a father’s heart. He carries in him the amazing ability to touch the hearts of the fatherless and those who need to hear how special and loved they are. Our kids aren’t the only ones who call him Popa.

Benny is romantic. When we can’t afford fresh flowers, he texts pictures of them to me. He flirts with me. Sometimes it’s even appropriate and suitable for the public.

Benny has big, strong hands. I feel safe when his fingers wrap around mine, or play with my hair, and when they rest on the small of my back when we’re standing in conversation with others. They’re the same hands that threw our children in the air then caught them when they were small, eliciting squeals of delight, and the hands that now wipe away tears after an injury. With the same gentleness in which he holds his family, his hands bring healing to our friends and those we encounter on the streets. His hands carry heavy loads for those who need help carrying things, and lull babies to sleep at church. Yes, I love his hands.

Benny is a dreamer and visionary. He’s the one who comes up with the plans and I help figure out how to make them work. We’re a good team. He’s bold and courageous, and a fiercely loyal friend. You want him in your corner because you can trust he’ll have your back.

Benny loves me even when I’m a pain in the ass, and he doesn’t make me go camping with him. That’s a marriage saver right there!

Benny Nowell is my no-brainer choice for the inaugural post of this challenge.

I love him the most.

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Be sure to check out who my fellow challenger friends love the most:

Don at donhillson.wordpress.com

Beckie at free2b2much.blogspot.com

Tracy at countyroadchronicles.wordpress.com

It’s not too late to join us! Get the details here:

nikinowell.wordpress.com/2015/11/01/30-day-people-challenge/

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42clusterIt’s the eve of my 43rd birthday. Let’s pretend it’s Christmas in July – that’s the only other time I feel like I have to sit and reflect on a whole year all at once. And please, feel free to drop off presents under our evergreen tree in the front yard! 😉

As I was reading through my journal (aka my Facebook timeline) for the past year, the big highlights were mostly sad. I suffered some devastating losses of friends and family, a good friend went to prison for two years, my transgender cousin’s suicide made international news, a doctor friend was made famous by contracting Ebola, and my relationship with my mother came to a painful end. That last one was not on Facebook as it is still too raw.

Amidst such a long grieving period were many moments of victory, bravery, and beauty. We moved to a town we’ve wanted to live in for years. I taught my first drama class and not only did I love it, it was a huge success. I made two trips back to Wisconsin to visit my family and reconnected with two of my best friends from high school while I was there. I worked on my novel. I fed hundreds of people through the little food bank I run. We reinstated Niki Day and Benny Day into our family schedule. I went to lots of movies and read a lot of books. I nourished old friendships and formed several new ones. I began passionately pursuing my husband again.

In times of reflection, I can’t focus on the bad without the good. I made some really dumb mistakes this past year, but I’ve also had my moments of wisdom and clarity. I’m learning I’m better for both. Through a year of deep suffering, I’ve clung to my joy.

I know who I want to be, but better than that, I know who I am.

In his book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, English writer and humorist Douglas Adams said 42 is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. I’m still laughingly pondering that, but hoping for better questions and answers when I’m 43. Adams also said, “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.”

Now THAT is the story of my year!

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It feels good to be writing again after all the tragedy of the past few months. Today I’m honored to be featured over at themitchroush.com. His monthly series, “Music Changed Me” showcases people he knows and loves sharing the music that has impacted their lives. My piece focuses on disliking the word “secular” being used to label songs that are sacred to me, and the love song I have on repeat during this season of healing.

I’ve known Mitch for over 20 years, and oh the stories I could share about him. Ha! He’s an incredible man. Take some time to get to know him through his writing. He does an excellent job weaving faith and creativity throughout all he does.

It brings joy to my soul to hear him describe me this way: “Niki is one of the most eloquent feather-rufflers I know. An edgy soul, not out of attention, but out of a fierce love that has no other way of being expressed. She’s passionate and wants nothing more than for everyone to have a place at the table.”

Thank you, Mitch. That means a lot to me!

Here’s a teaser:

Music is one of my love languages.

If my inner 80’s child were to make you a mix tape and share with you the soundtrack of my life, you’d grin and possibly groan at the quirky variety of my musical tastes.  I bet you’d find something that suits your tastes too. Now and then, I get stuck on a song to help me through a particular season, repeating it until the music cleanses me or the season passes.

– See more at: http://www.themitchroush.com/music-changed-me-13-love-on-repeat

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I am in Nashville, Tennessee for Donald Miller’s Storyline Conference this weekend. Let me tell you how it all came together.

My Texas friends Chris and Allen, and my Colorado friends Luke and Jason, all attended Storyline and came away changed men. They don’t know each other but they’re all men I hold in high esteem, and they know me well enough to know that I needed to attend Storyline, and they told me so. Though I was hopeful, I knew it would take tremendous finagling and a small miracle to make that happen. And it did.

Luke emailed me a few months ago to let me know for the conference in Nashville would have a “pay what you can afford” option, and encouraged me to register. He and his wife wanted to help make this happen for me.

When we got our tax refund, I got online and registered, paying money that wasn’t “extra” but trusting that God and my extended friends and family would help make this a reality.

Chris has wonderful parents who have a time-share in Nashville, so he arranged for me to stay at a beautiful resort this weekend as their guests.

My friend Cherie gave me vouchers for two free car rental days with Hertz.

Luke rallied some other friends and they chipped in to pay for my airfare. (I want to honor them but don’t know if I have permission to publicize who they are.)

I had to come up with money for registration, the other 2 days of car rental, gas, food, and the deposits required. I’m a part of an AMAZING group of people! They’re generous, encouraging, and challenge me to leap beyond what I think is doable. I’m not a very good dreamer and tend to settle for less, so I am incredibly grateful for my people who push me to dream and pursue. I’m here in Nashville…pursuing.

Several years ago I attended a National Youth Workers Convention where the late, great Mike Yaconelli told us we tend to wear ourselves out at these things. We succumb to the pressure of attending every workshop and activity offered, sucking the marrow out of the experience so it was worth our money. He gave us permission to grab a bottle of wine and hole up in our rooms if that is what our spirits need. My spirit need both focus and rest this weekend.

I fell asleep watching a terrible movie last night, and woke up to a text from Benny. The hours in between were spent wrapped in blankets with the ceiling fan on and lots of pillows cradling my body. No dog scratching at the door, no children waking me up in the middle of the night, no saggy mattress that hurts my back, and no list of things I must accomplish today to keep life moving along. Just a dark, quiet, peaceful, beautiful room holding promises of the kind of rest that comes with stepping away from my daily routine for a bit. I chose to skip the pre-conference blogger’s breakfast this morning and wake up leisurely. No guilt. No regrets.

I’m heading out to the university for pre-registration and to find some lunch, but felt the need to blog first. I’m redefining and refreshing some things this weekend. I started this blog in 2004 and it’s morphed into several things over the years, just like me. It’s changed with my needs, wants, and pressures to be something other than what it is, and yet it’s still me and my journey.

The Open Window 2

My blog is an online window into my life. Not everyone wants that view, and sometimes I close the curtains for a bit, but I’m still here and I’m welcoming you to join me on my journey.

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