The tears began with the Revelation Song. I knew it within the first few notes, long before words appeared on the screen.
A longing stirred and like the living water it is, it rushed to fill every unseen crevice as it gushed through my spirit. Flooding its way into my burning heart, tearing through the forming lump in my throat, it finally flowed from my eyes and ran silently down my cheeks. Ah the moving of the Holy Spirit. How it burns and soothes all at once.
They finally subsided with O Come, O Come Emmanuel. Never in my 38 years of life have I sung or heard such a beautiful rendition of my favorite Christmas Hymn. Oh how music moves me! Even in a room full of relative strangers I was so moved I wept. Maybe you had to be there. Maybe you have been.
I’ve had several days I really missed “leading worship” in an official capacity, so on days like this I’m grateful for the reminder that I am still leading, and still being led. Whether on a stage, standing in a pew, surrounded by students in a classroom, sharing hot cider with a street friend, or tucking my children into bed, I am always leading and always being led. My life is worship. How I live it, how I love, how I stand in God’s grace and mercy. It’s all me bowing before Him and can’t be confined to a certain space or a few hours on a Sunday morning.
That’s why I cried in church today. God moved in me and reminded me who I am; I’m a worship leader in the truest sense of the word.
What was the last thing that made you weep in church? How is God speaking to you today? Do you know who you are?
I gave Rae her car back today. I was so thankful for her generosity of lending me her convertible. The kids kept begging me to put the top down, but I resisted. 1. It’s been averaging in the 40’s this week. 2. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to get the darn thing back in place. I may have to borrow it for a day in the Spring. 😉
As we were driving to church this morning, I was deep in thought about this week and chatting with God in my head:
Me: Well God, thank you for bringing Benny and Max home safely, and thank you for a renewed hope for us, but I’m still anxious to hear how all of this car stuff is going to work out.
God: Do you miss Benny’s car?
Me: Well no, why?
God: Do you have what you need?
Me: Well yes, technically I do. We have this van that you provided.
God: Do you trust me?
Me: Sometimes. (Hey! I can’t lie to God. He KNOWS, you know?)
God: I’m not done yet…
Me: O.K., then I’m good. I’ll keep waiting.
Then He spoke to me again through the lesson. The Pastor pointed out that the first Thanksgiving was the early settlers stopping to thank God that they weren’t starving. Good point. I’m not starving and neither is my family. Thank you God for your provision. We talked about examples of Jesus giving thanks: When he fed the 5,000 and the food was multiplied to feed everyone present and still have food left over, and when he raised Lazarus from the dead, he thanked God for hearing his prayer, then called Lazarus out of the tomb. We talked about Philippians 4:6,7: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
God does amazing things with thanksgiving. Like he did for the early settlers, he provides for our needs. Like he did for the feeding of the 5,000, he takes what is generously offered/given and multiplies it. Like he did with Lazarus, he restores life.
I really don’t miss the car. The couple we gave it to needed it more than we did, and I am thankful God used us to answer somebody else’s prayer. How many times has he done that for us? I have invited people over not knowing how I was going to be able to feed everyone, and God has somehow multiplied the food or our money so we could provide the food. I have experienced being dead inside only to be called back to life. I love and serve a God who is all about abundance. Not a short-sighted prosperity gospel, but true abundance through the workings of his people giving to each other and to those who need good news.
Here’s my lesson for today: He will bless us as we continue to give him thanks and bless others with what he has given us. And he will provide another car for us. Somehow. I believe it. I have his peace, and I am so thankful!
God is using a car to stretch my faith. Faith stretching is so nerve-wracking for recovering control freaks like me. 🙂 Here’s the story:
Instead of participating in Supper on the Pearl last Saturday night (our weekly meal with our street friends in Boulder), I was sick at home on the couch, honing my TV watching skills. Benny called to tell me he was on his way home and he said, “By the way, I gave away my car tonight.” Um…WHAT? He told me about a young couple he had met that were traveling and their van broke down, stranding them. The repair was going to cost them thousands of dollars. A local church had put them up in a motel for a few days and given them money for food. We’ve heard all kinds of stories, but Benny was sure they weren’t just scamming him. He has pretty good discernment when it comes to that stuff. He said he felt the Holy Spirit telling him to give them his car. He has/had a 1993 Ford Escort Station Wagon that runs pretty well. He said he argued with God at first, but felt strongly that he should give it away. So Monday morning we drove it to them, handed over the keys and the title, and hugged them goodbye.
Now for the faith stretching part. Benny is leaving for a week-long fund-raising trip tomorrow morning. He’s taking our van – our only vehicle. I have to admit I was shocked (and mad) that I was going to be stranded at home. I know the word “stranded” is a little dramatic, but I have church on Sunday, jury duty on Monday, teach at school on Tuesday, a field trip on Thursday, and he’s not coming back until Thursday or Friday. What am I supposed to do? He said he was sure he was being obedient and that God would work something out. He’d ask around to see if anyone had a car I could borrow while he’s gone. 4 days later, nobody has responded to the need.
God and I have been talking about this all week. It’s gone something like this:
Me: God, Is Benny out of his freaking mind? Did you really nudge him to do this? Did he hear you correctly? A little advanced warning so I could plan for this would have been nice.
God: Trust me. Everything will be fine.
Me: You do realize that I have a busy schedule, right?
God: Yes, I know your schedule better than you do.
Me: O.K. well, this will be a great story to tell, eventually. Can’t wait to see how it turns out. I’m glad we helped someone, but I’m trying not to be irritated that it’s going to inconvenience me all week. I think I need some help with my attitude about all of this.
God: Yes, you do. Don’t worry, it doesn’t help, and I have everything under control. You’ll see, I get the glory in the end.
Me being me, I formed a back up plan. Those of you who know me, are laughing at me right now. I know it. 😉 I called friends and worked out rides to and from school and church, and planned to borrow a car for jury duty, but was stumped when it came time to figure out the field trip. I called my friend Rae because I was supposed to take one of her kids with me to the field trip and told her I may not be able to since I wasn’t sure how I was going to get there myself. She said, “Well, we have an extra car if you need to borrow it while Benny is gone.” Problem solved. After 4 days of waiting and all of that back up planning, it took a 3 minute conversation with a friend and my need was met. I’m the one out of my freaking mind.
I still don’t know how this story ends. My problem for the next week is solved, and I feel better, but even after Benny comes home, we’re going to need another vehicle. God is my provider and even when He doesn’t clue me in ahead of time, I can be confident that something will happen. I just need an occasional reminder. Maybe God is nudging some other man out there…
I wrote these notes on Facebook and thought I’d share them here for my family and friends who don’t share my Facebook addiciton. 🙂 I’ll be back here tomorrow with a post about how I save money at the grocery store.
Part 1
I stayed home with Pete while Benny, Max, and Zoe went to meet a few of our volunteers and our street friends for Supper on the Pearl tonight. I’ve been thinking about it all…the people who give of their time and money to make a meal and serve others, our friends on the streets who wouldn’t have had a hot meal tonight if it weren’t for our volunteers, and my children. What do they think of it all? Some days it feels overwhelming. Are we making the biggest difference we can? Is the smallness of what we do enough of an act of love for our street friends to experience grace and rest? Am I teaching our children gratefulness in a way that they will understand how blessed they really are? So many questions.
As I sat at my computer tonight, I turned on itunes and listened to my top 25 most played songs. When I reached the following song, it hit me – compassion and action are just two of the gifts I have to offer to my friends on the streets. I don’t need to dwell on my own feelings of inadequacy because it’s not about me, or my kids, our volunteers, or even our street friends. It’s about God and what HE can do with what we have and are willing to offer. It’s 5 loaves and 2 fish, multiplied for the hungry. And we’re all so very hungry. What seems like a meager lunch to me can become a feast for the masses with enough leftovers for another lunch. God can do that. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it!
While our street friends need food, they also hunger for love, being known, and relief from the hard times. Take a way the hunger for food, and our volunteers aren’t much different. My children? They don’t know hard times yet, but they will. And me? I’m just sitting here thinking, and this is a good thinking song. Listen to it on youtube:
Hard Times by Eastmountainsouth
Let us pause in life’s pleasures and count its many tears, while we all sup sorrow with the poor. There’s a song that will linger forever in our ears, oh, hard times come again no more.
‘Tis a song… a sigh of the weary, hard times… hard times come again no more. Many days you have lingered around my cabin door, oh… hard times come again no more.
While we seek mirth and beauty and music light and gay, there are frail ones fainting at the door. Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say, oh, hard times come again no more.
‘Tis a song… a sigh of the weary, hard times… hard times come again no more. Many days you have lingered around my cabin door, oh, hard times come again no more.
‘Tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave, ’tis a wail that is heard upon the shore. ‘Tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave, oh, hard times come again no more.
‘Tis a song…a sigh of the weary, hard times… hard times come again no more. Many days you have lingered around my cabin door,oh, hard times come again no more. Oh, hard times come again no more.
Part 2
I wrote the first note after everyone went to bed last night, and before Benny and I had a chance to talk through the evening. So this morning I told him about the note and explained what I had been feeling this week. He just smiled and began reassuring me that we are right where we’re supposed to be, and doing what God led us to do, then he told me a story.
Last night at Supper on the Pearl, several guys were thanking Benny for doing the food. He told them they were welcome, and one of them said “This is a lot better than picking food out of the trash or asking (begging) for people’s leftovers. Benny told him that’s why we do this; provide food so you don’t have to ask for it, sure, but also to offer dignity and value, and to invite them to be part of a meal. One of the men thanked him again and said, “Well we know who SEVENS is, and we have a lot of respect for you guys.”
I got a little teary and silently thanked God for the confirmation. Not just that He led us to feed the hungry, but to offer them dignity and value, and invite them to be a part of something. God answered my question. We make a difference.
Then at church this morning, my friend Karen got up to talk about the rich meaning behind communion and asked us to follow along as she read Matthew 9:9-13. My breath caught in my throat as I opened my Bible. When Karen began to read, I burst into tears. Not loudly, but the tears flowed freely down my face. My friend Paula was sitting next to me and she put her arm around me. I couldn’t control it and I had to get up and leave the service for a few minutes. A concerned and loving friend, Paula followed me to the bathroom not knowing that nothing was wrong. I was just having a Holy Spirit moment. You see, a few days ago, Ty, one of our TX teens who has participated in our summer program, sent me a message on Facebook:
“our youth group is doing this 40 day bible reading challenge and i read a couple of verses the other day that made me think of you and benny. It’s Matthew 9:9-13. cant wait to see yall at camp this summer”
Do you see what happened? I asked, and God answered. I was struggling with doubt and He sent a kid I love to tell me I’m where I’m supposed to be. And just in case I missed it the first time, he reminded me again during church through two of my best friends. And that would be wonderful if that were the end of the story, but God is God and He outdoes Himself.
As I was leaving my house this afternoon, I walked around my van to get in, and something caught my eye. I looked down and stared in disbelief at a heart shaped rock right in front of me. I had just walked that path an hour before and I swear it wasn’t there! For those of you that don’t know, heart rocks are one of mine and God’s love languages. He gives them to me, sometimes when I ask, and sometimes when I haven’t, obviously. I find them in the strangest places. Tearing up again, I picked up the rock and turned it over in my hand, then showed Max, whose face lit up. He totally gets my rock thing. I thanked God for the gift and told Him that I love Him too.
It’s time for bed and where as lastnight was one of questions, tonight I find myself overwhelmed by God’s love. Since I ended the last note with a song by Eastmountainsouth, I think it’s only appropriate to do the same with this one. This is the song I sang when I auditioned for the worship band. It’s also on my itunes Top 25 played list. I couldn’t find a youtube video I liked for the song, but I wanted you to hear it:
So Are You To Me…
As the music at the banquet, As the wine before the meal,
As the firelight in the night, So are you to me
As the ruby in the setting, As the fruit upon the tree,
As the wind blows over the plains, So are you to me
As the wind blows over the plains, So are you to me,
I’ve been a long time fan and supporter of XXXChurch.com and it’s co-founders, Mike Foster and Craig Gross. Two years ago I read what has become one of my favorite books, The Gutter written by Craig. I was so deeply moved by the amazing job he did communicating the heart of what it looks like to love people right where they are, I made the book suggested reading for everyone participating in our summer program this year. I told all my friends about it, and bought extra books to give away. So when I heard Craig had a new project coming out this year, I was ecstatic and signed up to promote it. I am SO glad I did.
Craig and his friend and co-author Jason Harper, outdid themselves with Jesus Loves You…This I Know. The message they offer is one of the most misunderstood and often rejected phrases of our time. To believers, “Jesus loves you” has become a cliche. To those who don’t yet know Jesus, it’s offensive and unbelievable, after all, some of the people who claim to represent Jesus are sending a different message- a message that does not communicate love, but judgment and condemnation. Through their book, Craig and Jason share their desire to live a life compelled by love and share their passion to tell everyone that they are loved no matter who they are, what they’ve done, or what they do.
It is essential to show people that they can belong in your world even if they don’t act, think, behave, or believe like you do.
I was glad they wrote about the process of belonging before believing or behaving differently. The idea didn’t start with them, but with Jesus when he loved those whom people hated. He dined with tax collectors, accepted water from adulterous women, and met privately with a Pharisee who had questions. His encounter with people changed them and they behaved differently after they knew the belonging He offered them. What a beautiful picture of God’s grace and mercy.
The world divides. Jesus Unites.
Jason’s story “Water for the Thirsty,” had me simultaneously weeping and cheering “YES!” while Craig’s story about Jesus loving the religious – those who judge (and who happen to be those I tend to judge) hit me where it hurts. I wept some more, this time with a repentant heart. Craig and Jason aren’t your typical Pastors, and their book is filled with stories of how their calling has brought them into community with unlikely friends and earned them hate mail from others.
Why should you read this book? Because it will challenge, inspire, and change you. Visit jesuslovesyou.net to download a pdf sample or audio sample, read what others think of the book, watch films, share your story, purchase the book, and more. Buy a copy for your brother or your best friend, then tell others about it and do your best to live the message. Find Craig and Jason on Facebook and Twitter. You can never have too many friends. 🙂
Sometimes I Write 