Sometimes I Write

I wrote these notes on Facebook and thought I’d share them here for my family and friends who don’t share my Facebook addiciton. 🙂 I’ll be back here tomorrow with a post about how I save money at the grocery store.

Part 1

I stayed home with Pete while Benny, Max, and Zoe went to meet a few of our volunteers and our street friends for Supper on the Pearl tonight. I’ve been thinking about it all…the people who give of their time and money to make a meal and serve others, our friends on the streets who wouldn’t have had a hot meal tonight if it weren’t for our volunteers, and my children. What do they think of it all? Some days it feels overwhelming. Are we making the biggest difference we can? Is the smallness of what we do enough of an act of love for our street friends to experience grace and rest? Am I teaching our children gratefulness in a way that they will understand how blessed they really are? So many questions.

As I sat at my computer tonight, I turned on itunes and listened to my top 25 most played songs. When I reached the following song, it hit me – compassion and action are just two of the gifts I have to offer to my friends on the streets. I don’t need to dwell on my own feelings of inadequacy because it’s not about me, or my kids, our volunteers, or even our street friends. It’s about God and what HE can do with what we have and are willing to offer. It’s 5 loaves and 2 fish, multiplied for the hungry. And we’re all so very hungry. What seems like a meager lunch to me can become a feast for the masses with enough leftovers for another lunch. God can do that. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it!

While our street friends need food, they also hunger for love, being known, and relief from the hard times. Take a way the hunger for food, and our volunteers aren’t much different. My children? They don’t know hard times yet, but they will. And me? I’m just sitting here thinking, and this is a good thinking song. Listen to it on youtube:

Hard Times by Eastmountainsouth

Let us pause in life’s pleasures and count its many tears, while we all sup sorrow with the poor. There’s a song that will linger forever in our ears, oh, hard times come again no more.

‘Tis a song… a sigh of the weary, hard times… hard times come again no more. Many days you have lingered around my cabin door, oh… hard times come again no more.

While we seek mirth and beauty and music light and gay, there are frail ones fainting at the door. Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say, oh, hard times come again no more.

‘Tis a song… a sigh of the weary, hard times… hard times come again no more. Many days you have lingered around my cabin door, oh, hard times come again no more.

‘Tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave, ’tis a wail that is heard upon the shore. ‘Tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave, oh, hard times come again no more.

‘Tis a song…a sigh of the weary, hard times… hard times come again no more. Many days you have lingered around my cabin door,oh, hard times come again no more. Oh, hard times come again no more.

Part 2

I wrote the first note after everyone went to bed last night, and before Benny and I had a chance to talk through the evening. So this morning I told him about the note and explained what I had been feeling this week. He just smiled and began reassuring me that we are right where we’re supposed to be, and doing what God led us to do, then he told me a story.

Last night at Supper on the Pearl, several guys were thanking Benny for doing the food. He told them they were welcome, and one of them said “This is a lot better than picking food out of the trash or asking (begging) for people’s leftovers. Benny told him that’s why we do this; provide food so you don’t have to ask for it, sure, but also to offer dignity and value, and to invite them to be part of a meal. One of the men thanked him again and said, “Well we know who SEVENS is, and we have a lot of respect for you guys.”

I got a little teary and silently thanked God for the confirmation. Not just that He led us to feed the hungry, but to offer them dignity and value, and invite them to be a part of something. God answered my question. We make a difference.

Then at church this morning, my friend Karen got up to talk about the rich meaning behind communion and asked us to follow along as she read Matthew 9:9-13. My breath caught in my throat as I opened my Bible. When Karen began to read, I burst into tears. Not loudly, but the tears flowed freely down my face. My friend Paula was sitting next to me and she put her arm around me. I couldn’t control it and I had to get up and leave the service for a few minutes. A concerned and loving friend, Paula followed me to the bathroom not knowing that nothing was wrong. I was just having a Holy Spirit moment. You see, a few days ago, Ty, one of our TX teens who has participated in our summer program, sent me a message on Facebook:

“our youth group is doing this 40 day bible reading challenge and i read a couple of verses the other day that made me think of you and benny. It’s Matthew 9:9-13. cant wait to see yall at camp this summer”

Do you see what happened? I asked, and God answered. I was struggling with doubt and He sent a kid I love to tell me I’m where I’m supposed to be. And just in case I missed it the first time, he reminded me again during church through two of my best friends. And that would be wonderful if that were the end of the story, but God is God and He outdoes Himself.

As I was leaving my house this afternoon, I walked around my van to get in, and something caught my eye. I looked down and stared in disbelief at a heart shaped rock right in front of me. I had just walked that path an hour before and I swear it wasn’t there! For those of you that don’t know, heart rocks are one of mine and God’s love languages. He gives them to me, sometimes when I ask, and sometimes when I haven’t, obviously. I find them in the strangest places. Tearing up again, I picked up the rock and turned it over in my hand, then showed Max, whose face lit up. He totally gets my rock thing. I thanked God for the gift and told Him that I love Him too.

You can read about my rock thing here: https://nikinowell.wordpress.com/2007/08/06/my-rock-thing/

It’s time for bed and where as lastnight was one of questions, tonight I find myself overwhelmed by God’s love. Since I ended the last note with a song by Eastmountainsouth, I think it’s only appropriate to do the same with this one. This is the song I sang when I auditioned for the worship band. It’s also on my itunes Top 25 played list. I couldn’t find a youtube video I liked for the song, but I wanted you to hear it:

So Are You To Me…

As the music at the banquet, As the wine before the meal,

As the firelight in the night, So are you to me

As the ruby in the setting, As the fruit upon the tree,

As the wind blows over the plains, So are you to me

As the wind blows over the plains, So are you to me,

So are you to me