Sometimes I Write

Just in case you didn’t know, that stands for “Too Much Information”, which is what you’re about to get.

Some days life just sucks the Life right out of me. Some days I wish I could just go back to bed and begin the day all over again. If I had my way, I’d wake up on my own – not to an alarm clock or hungry children. I’d lay in bed and read or watch T.V. while Benny brings me a cup of hot chai and a Cranberry Orange scone. When I did decide to get up, I’d slip into my favorite outfit – something that made me feel sexy and alive. Not too sexy, but something that would make my family’s eyes widen in surprise and say, “Wow! You look…Wow!” I would not be identified as a housewife by anyone. Not this day. We would spend the remainder of the morning doing our school lessons and reading great books aloud. After lunch the kids would go to their rooms for a nap and Benny and I would go to our room for alone time. We’d spend a lazy afternoon in each other’s arms, whispering our love to each other and sharing our dreams for the future. Paying bills, responsibilities, and the like would never enter our conversation. We’d just giggle, caress, and love as husband and wife. Supper would be served and cleaned up by someone else – at my favorite restaurant, and the evening would be spent playing games with the kids until bedtime. A friend would arrive to sit with the kids while Benny and I went to a late movie. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz…..

Yeah, I’m dreaming alright. I just had the worst period of my entire life – I’m not joking. I’ve had a death grip on my raging hormones and had to apologize to my brother a few times. He’s here visiting for a week – poor guy! I have been disappointed and annoyed with friends, and been let down by a few as well. I have enjoyed little pockets of sunshine, but what I’ve really needed was a day when life was so bright, I’ve had to wear shades. In a perfect world I’d always say the right words, and sing on key. I wouldn’t get choking fits in the middle of a special communion song, or get mad at friends who arrive late. In a perfect world, I would be compassionate ALL the time instead of being annoyed with those who suck the life out of others because they haven’t ever known any other way of living. In a perfect world, my youngest child would be potty trained, and I’d be patient and trusting with God’s timing in my life. In a perfect world my friends wouldn’t be suffering through cancer, and I’d be in touch with all the people I care about. In a perfect world I’d, I’d…well…I’d live like I really am free instead of falling into the trap of living in pseudo-freedom. But I don’t live in a perfect world. Some days suck…and that’s life. I don’t feel like saying it in a prettier way.

Through it all, I know I am loved and if I can only cling to ONE thing in times like these, it’s that I am deeply loved by the God of all things. He knows my heart, isn’t offended when I use the word “suck”, and has a plan for my future. So even on the days that suck – I am blessed indeed.

All who are thirsty, All who are weak

Come to the fountain, dip your heart in the stream of Life

Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away in the waves of His mercy,

As deep cries out to deep, we sing

Come Lord Jesus, Come