Sometimes I Write

Sometimes when I find I’m sinking into myself and starting to feel the weariness of life, I retreat into solitude and silence. My life has been anything but quiet and I am still learning the art of being still and knowing that HE is God…and I am not. It can be rough and lonely. I seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster the past month or so. Being sick and tired took it’s toll a few weeks ago, but by God’s love and mercy I overcame both the physical illness and the weariness of spirit. Then last week I hit another low. When that happens I don’t feel like blogging, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, or facing the outside world at all. Words of brothers and sisters wounded and stung me and in my need to be understood, the tears flowed freely when I was trying desperately to be calm and in control. Silent tears that steadily streamed down my face – devoid of the wracking sobs I was feeling internally. They evoked little response from those who had summoned them in the first place. I was spent.

But this weekend I had some wonderful soul-filling talks with girlfriends who love me dearly and I decided that maybe I was being so inward focused that I was holding myself captive to my grief. I needed to turn my attention to those I love. I’ve been terrible about keeping up with long-distance friends since my 3rd child was born. Saturday I decided that it’s o.k. for my family to be #1 and friends who don’t make the effort to keep in touch with me will have to deal with the temporary separation. I want to live in the present – not in the past. I’m not letting go of those friendships and I miss them all greatly, but at this season of my life I need to concentrate a little more on those I love that I actually see and those that we mutually put time and energy into the relationship. And that’s o.k….no guilt.

This weekend I had the opportunity to show love and support for two friends who I felt needed me. Sunday morning I got up early and met Abi downtown so I could love on her and pray for her before she ran in the Inaugural Denver Marathon (26.2 miles). We walked and talked and I wasn’t sure exactly what to say to encourage her since I’m not a runner and I’ve never been involved with a marathon. I finally decided that it was enough that I got up to meet her and show my support. The woman is amazing! While she ran that marathon, I went home to bake, shower, go to church, and eat lunch. I made it back downtown just in time to see her cross the finish line. Her time was 5 hours, 20 minutes, and 16 seconds…or 15 seconds. It was hard to tell from my perspective. 5 hours of running with 5,000 other people from 45 states! Incredible! As she ran past me towards the finish line, I screamed and yelled her name, how proud I was of her, how she rocks, and a bunch of other things I know she didn’t hear. When I finally caught up with her, we cried and hugged and she thanked me for being there. It felt so good to focus on her…and not me. Abi, I know you’ll read this and I just have to say…I’m glad I was an encouragement to you, but I was just as uplifted by being there. You are a fantastic picture of perseverance to me. Thank you so much for the reminder. Thank you for being who you are. That medal looked great hanging around your neck! I love you Abi!

Sunday was also Creative Day at The Journey. Everyone is welcome and invited to share their special gifts, talents, and creativity however they feel led. I baked. My famous (or they should be) Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies, Carrot Cake, and a Triple Layer Pumpkin cake. I loved sharing a talent that is fairly hidden since I don’t bake much anymore. We try not to eat that stuff very often, so I try not to add to the temptation. Anyway, Michael – one of our Pastors – teased me because he didn’t know I could bake and when we had them over for supper, I had bought a Boston Cream Pie. 😉 It was also funny to hear over and over again, “I didn’t know you baked!” I think people are so used to seeing me up in front singing with the band that maybe they assumed that was the only thing I could do. How often do I make that same assumption with others in our fellowship? I need to work on that. I did get to send the biggest piece of Pumpkin cake home with Jerry for my dear friend Paula.

Paula has been sick for over a week. Moms don’t have time to get sick…especially Mom’s with four kids! This woman has loved me through some rough spots in life since I met her last Spring. She has shared her wisdom, tears, advice, listening ears, and so much more with me. We have become great friends and there’s not much I wouldn’t do for her. I made her (and her family) a big pot of chicken noodle soup and a pan of cornbread so she wouldn’t have to cook. Little did I know that was her wish. I am so grateful for having a simple and practical way to lift her up. Today I spent the afternoon with her. We sipped tea and she coughed. We talked and laughed and teared up. It was great. She is starting to feel a little better, and I ask that you pray for her quick healing. Paula, thank you for who you are and pouring your kindness all over me – even when you’re sick. You’ll be ready to don your cape again in no time! 😉 I love you too! I mean it! 😉

Holy Father,
So often you place people in my life at just the right moment when I need a smile and a friend. You continually provide for my needs and my family and I am so grateful! Thank you for using me to encourage Abi and Paula this weekend. I ask that you help me keep my eyes and heart open to serving whenever I can. It’s the least I can do for you after all you have done for me!
I love you Lord!