I got into a fight tonight at the Christian bookstore. I was happily and lazily perusing the aisles when I overheard a couple talking. The man said, “Look, there’s a new book by John Eldredge”. The woman replied, “Oh, I read Sacred Romance, but I haven’t really liked anything he’s written since”. WHAT??? Did I just hear her right? Not like John Eldredge? Is she out of her ever lovin’ mind? So I walked around the corner and I…bit my lip. I am so proud of myself for biting my tongue (and lip), and I didn’t even draw blood. The fight was with myself. Why did I care so much about what this stranger thought of John Eldredge’s writing? Isn’t she entitled to her own opinion? So what if God has used his (and Staci’s) books to change my life, and my husbands, and so many other people I care about? Does John really need me to defend his writing for him ? No. So what’s my problem? Have I fallen back into the trap of being defensive of my views and opinions? I thought I had already crawled out of that bucket. Am I still so self-centered that I want everyone to have the same views I do? I didn’t think so, but this little mini-episode made me wonder.
I got home and told Benny what had happened and he just smiled. I shared what I just told you and he said I still care too much what other people think. I hate it, but I think he’s right. He said outside of God, me, and a select few in his life, he doesn’t care what people think. I wish I didn’t and I don’t know why I still do. Is it part of the life long search for acceptance? Is it that I fear judgment from others? In regards to this blog, is it fear that we’ll lose some of our financial support if I say or do the wrong thing? Can’t I just throw up my hands and yell to the world, “I don’t care what you think?!” I can, but would I truly mean it? I’m not sure.
I was able to escape to the bookstore tonight for a little “Niki Time”. My gift card from Lennie was burning a hole in my pocket. 🙂 I was chatting with Angi on my cell when I got there, and walked over to the greeting card section first. I asked her why I get excited when I see a card display and she said it’s because I’m a freak, her favorite term of endearment for me. LOL She’s right. I’m a card freak. I love them. I love them. I love them. In a perfect world I would design greeting cards for every occasion and everyone would love them and me for my talent. If you ever find this world, please give me a call! 🙂
I always have a great time at the bookstore looking at the thousands of books I want and can’t afford. Even if I could afford them all, I’d never get around to reading them. I miss reading. A lot. I can’t remember the last book that I read just for pleasure. The past six years have been consumed by reading “How To” books. You know, how to be a good parent, good Christian, good cook, good wife, good youth minister, good whatever – you get the point. I remember the days I could get lost in a book for hours on end. Just me and my paper companion curled up on the couch with a nice cup of chai or tea. I can zone the rest of the world out pretty easily when I’m reading. This came in handy in college, but it’s not so helpful with three small children. “Yes honey, I know you’re hungry, let me just finish this chapter…just a minute…what do you mean it’s supper time – I just fed you lunch…oh my goodness it’s 5 p.m. already? Where did the time go?” That’s an imaginary conversation – in reality it would be, “just let me finish typing my blog…” LOL
So I had a gift card to spend and it was hard narrowing down my purchases. Do I buy the new Casting Crowns CD? Or this awesome mug I found? Or the book that jumped off the shelf into my hands? After much debate I decided on the book and the mug. The CD will have to wait until next payday. My new mug is PINK and tall with a large handle that all of my fingers fit into perfectly. It has the word “Courage” on one side, and this verse on the other: “Be strong and courageous…for the Lord your God goes with you. Deuteronomy 31:6” I LOVE IT! It will be a nice reminder for me as I begin my days. The book is titled: The Naked Christian: Taking off religion to find true relationship, By Craig Borlase. Wouldn’t you stop and pick this book up if you saw that title? I was intrigued and had to investigate further. Read part of the paragraph on the back with me:
Written by Craig Borlase and rooted in biblical principles, this book lays bare our human weaknesses and daily struggles. It blinks in amazement at the blinding grace, love, and mercy of God. It will inspire you to chase after Him, to shun the fake stuff and to do one of the hardest things within a church community: BE REAL. CHOOSE AUTHENTICITY. GET NAKED.
It also helped that it was recommended by Mike Yaconelli, a man I looked up to, and miss dearly. Matt Redman had a quote too, and he described it as “refreshingly blunt honesty”. Sounds like my kind of book. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
I was once told to stop trying to be a people pleaser and be a God pleaser instead. This has helped me put things into perspective.
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Yes, you are a freak, but it’s all those freaky little querks you have that make you oh so special to me. As far as being a people pleaser, you’ve come quite a ways on that since we first became friends. You’ve actually helped me realize that what I do is more about God and me than about other people. Love you, girl!
P.S. Good job on not getting in a fight! You’ve come so far in a few short months 😉
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I would love to know what you think of the book! I love Christian bookstores, too–I do get lost in them for hours!
I think more and more of us want to be authenic, but have a fear of being judged–or making God look bad–whatever–mask wearing is an old tradition that I think most people would like to get rid of!
JB
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Oh, you tease, I actually couldn’t wait to hear about your fight! lol. I wanted to know who did what wrong to you.
Hey, books ARE so expensive, so check your local library before buying : )
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Niki,
Soul mates or not, we are most definitely kindred spirits. From the sounds of things though, we both have a large dose of “Anne” and as much of “Diana.”
By the way, would love to sit down to a big mug of tea with you sometime. Pink is my favorite color, too! I guess you already knew that : ) Hey, I can totally relate to the people pleaser issue, too. Once you’re done “getting naked” Beth Moore’s book, Breaking Free is great. I am slowly trudging through it so I can let the truth soak in. Keep in touch!
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It’s nice to know I’m not alone with my “issues” LOL!
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i feel the same way so much of the time. i’m opinionated yet want to please people every now and then so that usually results in me trying to “persuade” others to take my stand. i’ve worked on giving it up and still find teeth marks on my tongue from time to time.
i adore bookstores and books. i’m in the middle of about 6 right now. i don’t even have a family yet still struggle to find time to read a chapter here and there.
i did the beth moore “breaking free” study series with the videos for a small group a year ago and it was amazing. i actually was just pulling out my old workbook for a review. it is challenging stuff, but an absolute blessing to my soul — even today.
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