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Posts Tagged ‘spiritual identity’

My cousin Janet sent me this necklace when I was nervous about my trip to Wisconsin in April. I wore it or carried it in my pocket the whole week I was there to remind me of her, and that I never walk alone. It really did give me courage, and I love her for it! But my story doesn’t begin there. We have to back up a bit.

Several years ago I read the book Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge, and fell in love with the idea of being a warrior princess. It was the strong women in movies, books, and the Bible that drew my admiration. Ezer Kinegdo. (A rough Hebrew translation: a desperately needed companion, or a life saver who comes alongside you. It was only used to describe 2 people in the old testament- Eve, when she was created, and God himself.) I want to be THAT. Reading that book changed my life. I felt understood, accepted, and encouraged. I asked God to show me who I am, and for the first time, I knew that I wasn’t ever going to be dainty and God was okay with that. He confirmed that I am a warrior princess. That played out for me in a very tangible way about a year later.

A good friend of mine had to appear in court. It was a pretty big deal. When I told him I wanted to be there with him and his wife to cover them in prayer, he reluctantly agreed. I prayed for the whole 30 minute drive to the courthouse. I asked God to give me the right words to encourage them. I prayed on the armor described in Ephesians in the Bible. I prayed for protection and wisdom. But I was still surprised when I got out of the van and felt 10 feet tall and invincible. I was a giant going to battle and I knew I was not alone. I was completely fearless, and that was just the beginning.

It was the last night of our SABBATH week with Trevor’s youth group, and we wanted to send the teens off with a blessing. We had them stand in a circle with Benny in the middle and me on the outside. We didn’t have a plan. We just wanted to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. As I began to pray, I could feel the enemy pressing in. I prayed for protection and got an image in my head of my hands lifted and a large bubble descending over us. I knew that I was shielding the group from the enemy while Benny blessed them. Later that night, I told Benny about it and more importantly, I asked God about it. Was this a piece of who I am? Pictures while I pray isn’t the norm, but I knew it was an important vision for me.

I’m a crier. I am not afraid of tears, and God uses that. When I am touched on a deep spiritual level (I call it having a Holy Spirit moment), I cry. But the tears in those moments are from a different place inside of me than my tears of joy, grief, and anger. I don’t question it because it’s always been that way with me and God. He moves me.

When I read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and watched the movies, Eowyn resonated with me. She gave me hope and courage to step more fully into who I am. In one of my favorite scenes in The Two Towers, Aragorn reminds Eowyn that she is a daughter of kings – a shield maiden of Rohan, and I wept.  Someone left this comment on the YouTube video:”It is amazing the way hope rises when fear is engaged with the truth of who we are and who we belong to.”

I once heard a pastor teach a lesson about every player on a football team having a specific job to do and the importance of each teammate playing their position to the best of their ability. I cried. Over football! I am not a quarterback, I’m the woman standing between the quarterback and the opposition. I am a shield.

I was stunned when I read Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer and she described Bella’s gift. The imagery used was the same as my vision of the bubble of protection I had prayed over the teens a few years previous. She was Ezer Kinegdo. And I cried, because I am a shield.

When Will moved in, I gave him this necklace. It’s a Telmarine shield from the movie Prince Caspian. I saw them a few years ago and was so moved by them, that I bought four. I didn’t know why since I only have three children. Now I know.

You still with me? Here’s where it gets weird…and very cool.

A few months ago, I was praying over someone at church and my hands were raised when I felt a tingling in my right shoulder that traveled across to my left shoulder and down my left arm. I told Benny about it and that I thought there should be a name to describe it, but I didn’t know what it was. It has happened many times since then – always when I was worshiping or praying over someone.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at breakfast with one of our SABBATH groups when a song from Benny’s iPod began to play. (Make War by Tedashii.) It’s not really my style of music, but this song grabs me. At the lyrics, “Stand fearless on the front line,” my shoulder and arm began to tingle, and I froze. Everything I just told you played through my head like a movie flashback, or beads of mercury drawing together to form a puddle. Completely stunned, I looked at Benny and said, “I am a shield! I know why my arm is tingling!”  Because I had been sharing this stuff all along, he just smiled at me and said, “duh,” then googled arm/shoulder armor and came up with this picture:

I found this one:

THAT is what I feel when I pray! It’s called a manica, and it’s my spiritual armor.

I am a shield.

I fight for people. I protect them. I stand between them and the enemy.

When I walk in my identity – who I truly am – there is no fear.

Do you know who you are? Are you walking in your identity? What’s your story?

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