If you’re new to this blog, or we’ve never met, then you need to know some very important things about me:
- I love Jesus. Completely. Unswervingly. And I know He’s crazy about me.
- I love people. More than animals, nature, philosophy, and chocolate.
- I am falling in love with Jesus’ bride, the Church. Choosing to be in love is probably more accurate.
- I have the privilege of friendship with thousands of people of every age, gender, nationality, religious creed, and sexual orientation.
I need you to know these things to set the context of what I’m about to say.
I’ve sat through amazingly frustrating conversations with friends whose hearts are golden. They love Jesus and strive to please Him, but they have swallowed so many platitudes over the years that they can’t even see how offensive they have become with their thoughtless comments like the first part of this post’s title, which is a thought from Gandhi, not the person of Jesus Christ.
As a young, zealous Christian, I used this phrase repeatedly, and I truly meant it. It made me feel good and holy to say it, like I was rising above something. But I’ve learned to be honest about my faith, and now I groan in frustration with this noble sounding garbage. I understand that it is an attempt to articulate that we’re supposed to love everyone, including the people who do bad things and are stuck in bad habits or addictions. Love the person, but hate what they do. Please, tell me how it’s possible to separate the person from their actions. I’ve never met anyone who HATED a behavior but still truly LOVED the person stuck in or choosing to participate in said behavior. When you hate something, you can’t help but feel negative emotion towards the person attached to it. It gets personal. Here’s a truth for you:
I am the sinner, and I am crushed by those who want to love me but can’t reconcile their hate for some of the things I believe and do. Sometimes it paralyzes me – the hate wearing a mask of love.
I have been bullied and abused by people in the name of “love” because in their minds, that is better than letting my flesh melt off in the fiery pit of hell for all eternity. I’ve been called all kinds of names and accused of denying the Bible as Truth, because I have tattoos, I don’t think ass is a cuss word (and I used the word bullshit in my title for this post), I shop at stores that support issues I don’t agree with, I love homosexuals, the name on my church sign doesn’t match theirs, and I don’t have a meek and humble spirit. I’m not a Proverbs 31 woman, and I don’t care. I can’t live up to the hype. But I am madly in love with Jesus, and He’s equally smitten with me. Every day I have to look to Him for my worth, because I’m not good enough for me, let alone anyone else. So I believe I am built to offer that same courtesy to others; See them as better than me rather than the other way around. Is that easy? Hell no!
I am a sinner, I’m not sin.
How about others? Be honest. How many rapists, child molesters, murderers, and genocidal dictators to you love? You hate their sin, right? Do you love them apart from their actions? How about liars, cheaters, and thieves? That feels a little more doable, doesn’t it? What say you about bullies, drug dealers, and pimps? Love them? Hate them? How about politicians whose personhood agendas differ from your own? Or your neighbor who leaves her neglected children at home so you have 3 extra kids to feed and feel responsible for? How about your friend’s sister who is an angry, belligerent lesbian? Or the televangelist who had a very public affair? Or the man who beat on you so many times you chose to run away? Or the Christian who feels justified in their hatred towards others? Where is the love for them as people?
Jesus has yet to say, “Niki, I am going to fill your life with people who are hard to love, and I want you to love them with everything in you, but still hate the things they do. Good luck with that.”
Love the sinner. That means EVERYONE. Forget the hate part and focus on the love part. I’m not saying we should accept, approve, or condone bad behaviors. They are destructive and anti-relationship, but don’t kid yourself thinking this is a holy statement and pleasing to Jesus. He was the one hanging out with loose women, cheating tax guys, common fishermen, and being accused of being a drunkard and glutton. I can’t find any examples in my Bible of Him loving broken people while showing disgust for what they do. (Lets save the Pharisees for a later discussion.) It wasn’t apparent by any of His actions, so was He condoning their behavior? No. Jesus loved people right where they were, and they were changed by being with Him.
THAT IS WHO I WANT TO BE!
Why should we waste time hating behavior when so many people are desperate for our love?
What does condoning behavior look like? How is it different from loving behavior?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
I think we often believe that we were made Christians or “believers” to judge the world and to condemn nonbelievers. I know I often forget that I deserve death and it is no job of mine to condemn anyone…ever.
But may I ask why you do not think ass is a cuss word? lol
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I just don’t. I may blog about cussing sometime soon. 🙂
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I love the last three things you said. Jesus loving people right where they are. Not waiting for them to ” get better” so that he could be with them. Choosing to dwell with the broken hearted and all that comes with brokenness.
we waste so much time hating behaviors! How much better could our time and energy be spent in loving first. it is really hard to look at someone and see the person before the behavior. I have been trained that first impressions count and body language is more powerful than words. If i go by what i have been trained then i only see hostilesavages. Out to get me and themselves. If i look in love i see hurting people trying to survive and needing understanding and compassion.
The sin doesn’t go away, but my perspective changes.
Really, i have enough sin in my own life to deal with…if i spend my time and judgment on that i dint have so much time to worry about yours. And even there, viewing my heart with compassion is better than pious judgment.
wasn’t it that Jesus guy who said “love others as you love yourself”?
Maybe some more loving the sinner in the mirror is in order.
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Excellent thoughts, Freebie! I especially liked, “The sin doesn’t go away, but my perspective changes.” I see everyone as fallen and redeemable no matter what their behaviors tell me. Really, my goal is seeing everyone as sons and daughters, some just behave like orphans. I also know that showing love looks different depending on who you are and who is in your circle. And yes, we should be so busy pulling the log out of our own eyes that we don’t have a lot of time searching for specks – or even logs – in other people’s eyes.
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I especially like the “seeing everyone as sons and daughters, some just behave like orphans”. I have found that clears up the cloudiness for me in how I respond to others whose sin is different from my own — whether they are believers or not. We all have the potential to claim our grace-given place as adoptees of the God of the Universe. Who am I to look upon anyone else and judge when I am barely able to get my mind around how Jesus looks at me? I love because He first loved me.
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Loved this post! You expressed some of the thoughts I’ve been attempting to have about this. If I love people, that covers it. If my kid has cancer, I don’t need to be reminded to “Love the kid, hate the cancer.” It’s not a balancing act, not one bit. God’s orientation toward us (and our proper orientation toward each other) is not complicated.
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Thanks John. I want to spend my time loving and not hating. Love the cancer analogy!
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Our worship leader was sharing with us one Sunday morning. He started by telling us that he’d gotten into a fight with his exwife. He said, “I called her a whore. I felt justified in saying it at the time, but when I got home it interfered with my worship/prayer time. Then God enlightened me. He said, ‘I love her just as much as I love you.'”
To me, that has become a great equalizor. I remind myself of that phrase every time I find myself being quick judge someone. Old habits die hard, but lucky for me a have a Daddy that doesn’t make that mistake.
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“I love her just as much as I love you.” That’s a humbling lesson to learn! 🙂
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Niki,
This is so true! I will admit my “church of christ” upbringing (no offense to anyone, I still go to a church of christ, but the way I was raised was more of a cult than christianity!) caused me to automatically want to discount some of what you were saying….I don’t know if I can ever de-program my thinking on this, but God can! The bible is full of examples of Jesus loving people, no matter what, not in spite of, but just because that is who he is. I am grateful that I am not the one to decide people’s fate….it would be hard to measure myself by my own yard stick sometimes….
I love your courage and frankness. I agree, Hate doesn’t need to be in the equation! People will only “see” Jesus when we emulate him. Love God, Love each other and love ourselves.
Love and miss you!
Michele
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Michele, I grew up in the church of Christ too. Jesus is the one who changed my heart on all of this, not me, not my sinner friends, just Jesus. It’s a process. 🙂 Love and miss you too, my friend!
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Today, I wore make up. Just a little mascara and color foundation under my eyes. I don’t usually wear it. It irritates my eyes (I’ll explain some other time:)). Then I read your blog and all this crap is now running down my face- thanks for that:).
You are awesome! Thank you for pursuing me. I’ve never forgotten.
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Toine, sorry I messed up your make-up. 😛
Glad I pursued you. You are a great friend! 🙂
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I like this way of thinking. It’s not “I love you in spite of this.” It’s “I love you. All of your being.” Very good insight on the old cliche.
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Just practicing what I preach, Trent. 🙂
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Glad to see you writing so passionately again. I have been in a spiritual desert for quite some time and have finally pieced together some of my many thoughts that have been jumbling around in my mind as a result. Much of it is about this whole idea of how we express love, particularly to those deemed unlovable by society. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.”
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Thanks Heather! I miss our little blogging community we had before people knew what blogging was. lol
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