My cousin Janet sent me this necklace when I was nervous about my trip to Wisconsin in April. I wore it or carried it in my pocket the whole week I was there to remind me of her, and that I never walk alone. It really did give me courage, and I love her for it! But my story doesn’t begin there. We have to back up a bit.
Several years ago I read the book Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge, and fell in love with the idea of being a warrior princess. It was the strong women in movies, books, and the Bible that drew my admiration. Ezer Kinegdo. (A rough Hebrew translation: a desperately needed companion, or a life saver who comes alongside you. It was only used to describe 2 people in the old testament- Eve, when she was created, and God himself.) I want to be THAT. Reading that book changed my life. I felt understood, accepted, and encouraged. I asked God to show me who I am, and for the first time, I knew that I wasn’t ever going to be dainty and God was okay with that. He confirmed that I am a warrior princess. That played out for me in a very tangible way about a year later.
A good friend of mine had to appear in court. It was a pretty big deal. When I told him I wanted to be there with him and his wife to cover them in prayer, he reluctantly agreed. I prayed for the whole 30 minute drive to the courthouse. I asked God to give me the right words to encourage them. I prayed on the armor described in Ephesians in the Bible. I prayed for protection and wisdom. But I was still surprised when I got out of the van and felt 10 feet tall and invincible. I was a giant going to battle and I knew I was not alone. I was completely fearless, and that was just the beginning.
It was the last night of our SABBATH week with Trevor’s youth group, and we wanted to send the teens off with a blessing. We had them stand in a circle with Benny in the middle and me on the outside. We didn’t have a plan. We just wanted to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. As I began to pray, I could feel the enemy pressing in. I prayed for protection and got an image in my head of my hands lifted and a large bubble descending over us. I knew that I was shielding the group from the enemy while Benny blessed them. Later that night, I told Benny about it and more importantly, I asked God about it. Was this a piece of who I am? Pictures while I pray isn’t the norm, but I knew it was an important vision for me.
I’m a crier. I am not afraid of tears, and God uses that. When I am touched on a deep spiritual level (I call it having a Holy Spirit moment), I cry. But the tears in those moments are from a different place inside of me than my tears of joy, grief, and anger. I don’t question it because it’s always been that way with me and God. He moves me.
When I read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and watched the movies, Eowyn resonated with me. She gave me hope and courage to step more fully into who I am. In one of my favorite scenes in The Two Towers, Aragorn reminds Eowyn that she is a daughter of kings – a shield maiden of Rohan, and I wept. Someone left this comment on the YouTube video:”It is amazing the way hope rises when fear is engaged with the truth of who we are and who we belong to.”
I once heard a pastor teach a lesson about every player on a football team having a specific job to do and the importance of each teammate playing their position to the best of their ability. I cried. Over football! I am not a quarterback, I’m the woman standing between the quarterback and the opposition. I am a shield.
I was stunned when I read Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer and she described Bella’s gift. The imagery used was the same as my vision of the bubble of protection I had prayed over the teens a few years previous. She was Ezer Kinegdo. And I cried, because I am a shield.
When Will moved in, I gave him this necklace. It’s a Telmarine shield from the movie Prince Caspian. I saw them a few years ago and was so moved by them, that I bought four. I didn’t know why since I only have three children. Now I know.
You still with me? Here’s where it gets weird…and very cool.
A few months ago, I was praying over someone at church and my hands were raised when I felt a tingling in my right shoulder that traveled across to my left shoulder and down my left arm. I told Benny about it and that I thought there should be a name to describe it, but I didn’t know what it was. It has happened many times since then – always when I was worshiping or praying over someone.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting at breakfast with one of our SABBATH groups when a song from Benny’s iPod began to play. (Make War by Tedashii.) It’s not really my style of music, but this song grabs me. At the lyrics, “Stand fearless on the front line,” my shoulder and arm began to tingle, and I froze. Everything I just told you played through my head like a movie flashback, or beads of mercury drawing together to form a puddle. Completely stunned, I looked at Benny and said, “I am a shield! I know why my arm is tingling!” Because I had been sharing this stuff all along, he just smiled at me and said, “duh,” then googled arm/shoulder armor and came up with this picture:
I found this one:
THAT is what I feel when I pray! It’s called a manica, and it’s my spiritual armor.
I am a shield.
I fight for people. I protect them. I stand between them and the enemy.
When I walk in my identity – who I truly am – there is no fear.
Do you know who you are? Are you walking in your identity? What’s your story?
Know who you are and operate there. Such power in that!
I am a donkey.
stop laughing.
It was prayed over me once and I almost laughed out loud. At first I thought it was reference to being stubborn. Then it played out to be a reference to the donkey that Jesus rode.
Jesus tells His disciples to get the colt because ” I have need of him”.
And for me this rings solid and true.
I wait, unnoticed, until the Master has need of me. And then I bring Him in.
(this is not arrogance)
I have tried being the shield and holding back the enemy in power and might. Just is not who I am. Although I have operated in that stance if called specifically, it is unusual.
No, I am more a beast of burden. kidding.
I am support personnel. (I have also been given the picture of being like Aaron and Joshua holding up the arms of Moses during the battle.)
When I think about my usual role it is one of humility (for want of a better word) I slip in unnoticed but I carry with me the Victorious King of the Universe.
I feel most alive when whispering the words of God. I encourage. I get fierce and in your face about how you can hold on because hope is here.
I wait a lot of times. But when the time is right, I hear Him whisper “I have need of you” and my heart responds with joy.
LikeLike
And I love that about you, my friend! 🙂 I love who you are and how you speak life to me. You are one of my favorite women on the planet…and I think both descriptions of the donkey are spot on. 😉
LikeLike
I’m bookmarking this and saving it because I need to read it again and again. Brought tears to my eyes, Niki. Thank you! I need to find my part/place again… BLESS YOU!
BTW, have you read Lisa Bevere’s “Lioness Arising”? I think you’d enjoy it!
LikeLike
OOOH! A book recommendation from my favorite Niki? I’m all in! Thanks for the tip and for encouraging my socks off!
LikeLike
I can’t say how much I love this post, NIki! LOVE it!
I don’t know what I am. I’d love to have a clear image that captures who I am. Would you pray about that with me?
Freebie, I adore donkeys! They are my favorite!
LikeLike
Thanks Kay! I would be honored to pray with you about your identity. I think you’re fabulous and creative and funny and…I’m a big fan. So glad we’re friends! Praying for God’s revelation for you right now!
LikeLike
Thanks, Niki.
Last night I was talking to God and said, “You know, if it’s not important that I know, if it won’t be helpful for me to see an image of my role, that’s ok, too. But I’d like to know.” Either way, it’s all good. I know enough of my place and who I am. But the idea of an image I can carry with me really appeals. It’s a new concept. New with this post! Thanks again for sharing.
LikeLike
What a wonderful post Niki!!! I love it when God reveals himself to us, although not necessary to know His confidence; however, It gives great comfort. I always knew you were a strong warrior princess for Christ. Hold your shield high Sister!!! Love and miss you!!!
LikeLike
Desiree! So great to hear from you! Thanks for the encouragement. I love and miss you too! 🙂
LikeLike
I too enjoyed your post! I Love “Captivating” and will read it again while doing the workbook. I’ll need to reread this post a few times also. You are so right-on Niki. I am just figuring out, “who I am”. It’s about time! God has been directing me…When I let him. This past year has been such a time of growth for me. God is so great! I have listened to HIM much more this past year and let God work more in my life.
LikeLike
Lynne, I’ve watched God work in your life and I’m proud of you for steps you’ve taken. God’s crazy about you, and it’s fun to watch you as you figure that out. 🙂
LikeLike
I totally get it, I am so proud of you for going with those feelings and using them the way you do. You are awesome and it takes a great person to admit and to act on the gift you have been given. Our God is an awesome God and you are living proof!
LikeLike
Thanks Marlene! Your encouragement means a lot to me. It’s been a long journey for me and the big aha moment was overwhelming. Lots of tears. lol
Words are a powerful things and my hope with this post was to encourage others to ask God who they are then actively watch for his answer. He’s not done telling me who I am, but this was a HUGE piece of the puzzle. 🙂
LikeLike
So sorry I’m just now reading this. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
LikeLike
Thank you, Trevor. You’re one of the people I assumed would have said “duh” along with Benny. 🙂
LikeLike
[…] think my identity plays into this discussion as well. I am a shield. I am built to stand fearless on the front line. Sometimes I get a little over zealous in how I […]
LikeLike
[…] the shield-arm. Daughter of the House of Eorl. She had many names, but of course I connected with the shield references the most. She is fierce, loyal, and determined, yet in the books as she recovers from her battle […]
LikeLike