My Zoe is the sweetest girl. In the 8 years she’s been brightening up this planet, she has taught me nearly as much as I aim to teach her. I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that parenting a little girl would be this big of a learning experience for a momma. Guiding such a beautiful creature through the minefield of childhood has forced me to swiftly unpack and de-clutter my baggage so that I don’t pass it on to her. It’s not hers to carry, and just having her around like a mini-me mirror has made me painfully (and joyfully) aware that I don’t have to continue carrying it either.
Before I ever saw girl parts on an ultrasound, I knew that’s what we were having, and I was terrified. Paralyzing questions plagued my dreams and my fierce, mama bear heart grew stronger with each stretch of my belly. How would I protect her? How would I teach her to protect herself? I know these words are telling as much as I know that it is difficult to be the daughter of a survivor and I want more for her than that legacy. As is the pattern of my life, when I was sure I’d be overwhelmed, God stepped in and calmed my fears with two simple, difficult, beautiful words, “Trust Me.”
I was reminded that the very first mother had no mother of her own to call for advice. It was just her and God. She had no other option but to trust Him. Choice sometimes makes things harder, don’t you think? If Eve could do it without the support that I have from the incredible women in my life, then I can certainly do it. Have you ever trusted God out of sheer determination to do so? Or are you giggling at my silliness? 😉
How do I parent my pink-loving spitfire of a child? Very purposefully.
Like all children, she knows how to stall at bed time, and her favorite excuse goes something like this: “Can we have Mommy/Zoe time tonight?” (Cue the dimples and the sparkling chocolate-brown eyes) And when the answer is yes, we lie on her bed and star gaze as we chat about her tragedies and triumphs, and dream about the future. I answer her questions in honest, age appropriate language, and ask her some of my own. It’s in this place of comfort that we giggle and listen to Beethoven at Bedtime, talk about her first crush – JB, how annoying her brothers are, her crazy unique fashion sense, and whether or not I think she’s pretty. Yes, she’s already asking that one a lot. This time is precious to us both, but she needs her sleep, so we either need to find a better Mommy/Zoe time of the day, or she needs to go to bed earlier. It’s imperative I work that out because my window of opportunity is shrinking. Want proof?
Try this eye-opening exercise:
Take out a sheet of paper and turn it horizontally. Draw a straight line across the paper. At the beginning of the line, make a mark indicating the day you were born. Now keep making marks across the line to represent every five years of your life until you reach 100. Next, mark off the years you spent in school (K-12, college if you attended, etc.), your wedding date if you’re married, and any other major life events you’ve experienced so far. Mark off the year you plan to retire. Here’s where it gets interesting. Make a mark on your time line to represent when your child was born, then tick off 18 years – assuming he/she moves out of your home at that age. If you have multiple children, put them on your time line too. Now put down your pencil. What do you see?
When someone taught me this exercise several years ago, it helped me put the “toddler and 2 babies in diapers” phase of my life in perspective. I needed this visual to convince me that the day would come when everyone in my house would be wiping themselves, they would grow up and eventually move out on their own, it had not taken up my entire life, and though I was a mom, I was so much more than that. There is life before and after kids.
I am grateful for this parenting time-line exercise and now and then I repeat it. But now it’s to remind me that my window is a small one and I want to savor these Mommy/Zoe moments while I can because one of these days I’m going to blink and she’ll be having those moments with her own child.
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Sometimes I Write 
I should have mentioned that I have Mommy/Max and Mommy/Pete dates too. I’ve just had girl stuff on my mind today. 🙂
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I love this post! It is good!
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You two are so beautiful!
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Well written. Enjoy because they grow so fast and then they are gone. BUT, Mommy and Me time is still a priority with adult daughters.
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Thank you, friends. 🙂 You all have daughters. How do you spend special moments with your girls?
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I don’t have girls and I’m pretty sure God knew I would panic if I did! I do love my time with the boys though. We schedule random Mommy/Collin or Owen days to do fun things. I think you learn so much about your child when it’s just the two of you. 🙂
This is a beautiful post, Niki. I think it’s great that you are building a strong foundation for you and Zoe. Those mother daughter relationships can be rocky sometimes. It seems to me that you are doing a wonderful job.
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I love this. Mom/daughter time is critical. At any age. I’m glad you are taking time to savor this darling age. It’ll be gone before you know it.
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Very good post! Like Janet, I am glad you are building a good strong foundation with each of your children. You don’t get those years back. I didn’t have that with my mother or dad, but it is something I longed for. My children all live far enough away that I can’t go visit anytime I wish. Thank God for Phones, Internet and texting. I just learned to text, but I love hearing their voices often. Cherish every moment. Your a good mom. Beautiful pictures!
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How do I spend special moments with my girl?
Every time I talk to my daughter on the phone, text her or she texts me, or even me sending her a letter by snail-mail, it is special to me. I Love every moment I have with her, and especially when I can visit in person. I love going to the park or places like that where I can watch her and her children. I feel closer to her over the past few years, because we can be more open. That is something I was taught was just wrong. My how I’ve grown, because of many things my daughter has taught me. I Love You!
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Hi, Niki.
Just stopping by to thank you for your kind words on my blog. We are still in the hospital in Denver–one month today–as Sarah recovers from a series of complications. We know God is here with us in this, and we are not alone. We are supported by friends old and new, and we are being blessed even in this.
A month after we lost him, we have only just begun the process of grieving for our son. The physical pain Sarah is experiencing keeps moving everything else to the back burner. But hopefully that will not last too much longer.
Love to you and your family. Thank you for telling us about your daughter–she sounds like a great kid. 🙂
In Jesus, my hope–
Tom
http://www.whistlingbadger.com
p.s. Ways I spend special moments with my daughter: Wrestling, saying hello to the neighbor’s horses, getting incredibly dirty, reading books, teaching her animal sounds, and letting her “help” me play guiter. 🙂
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I love the timeline idea. I will be passing that on to frazzled moms I know.
I totally get the big eyed look when trying to avoid bedtime. My big girl (18) will come for mommy/daughter time when ‘I’ am going to bed. I am blasted tired and she wants to talk. It can be a challenge sometimes but there is just some secret specialness to the bedtime bonding. Trust your gut on that one and know that “nice try” with a wink and a smile is a fine thing to do sometimes when the big eyes start sparkling.
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