Sometimes I Write

Benny and I just finished a 9 day cleanse, with the last 5 days being a liquid fast.  But that’s not why I am hungry.  My body isn’t quite liking solid food yet, though it’s nice to be chewing again.  The gritty stuff I had to drink every 3 hours was like sandpaper to my poor throat the last day of the fast.  But, I learned a lot over the last 9 days.  I learned that I am hungry…not for food, but for life and truth and beauty and well…a lot of things.  I was also keenly aware for those 5 days that I am in fact, female.  So not only was I hungry (again – not for food), I was emotional and tired.  Aren’t you glad you don’t live at my house?!

So there I was sitting in my chair reading and not wanting to blog or write.  Wanting to receive instead of give.  I cried out to God, “I’m hungry!”, and you know what He did?  He brought to mind a song we sing at church.

Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy

I am empty but I know your love does not run dry

so I wait for you, yes I wait for you

I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me

Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide

I am weary but I know your touch restores my life

so I wait for you, yes I wait for you

I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me

Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

Yeah, He’s funny like that.  Thanks for the reminder God.  I got it.  So I turned to Him for hope and living water and food that would feed my soul.  He showed me how often I reach for the cheap substitutes to satisfy the longing only He can fill.  He revealed that I so often eat mindlessly of things that leave me feeling empty and like I’ve just come off of a sugar rush, when He offers me quality AND quantity and I don’t have to choose between them.  So many verses sprang to mind which made me glad that I had put them in there to recall later.  Verses about Him loving mercy more than sacrifice, that He’s drawing His own to Himself, that even He is not the judge but that He leaves that up to His Father, and that we will be known by our love.  Those are all such simple thoughts with a profound impact on who I am and who I hunger to be.

I’m still chewing on the questions I blogged about last December.  I’m nibbling on the truths God has given to me that others might consider scraps while I look at them as…chocolate covered…chocolate.  I guess that would make them heavenly truffles. 🙂  I’m devouring books that are drawing me deeper into the mystery that is God.  I’m craving…Less formula.  More relationship.  Less rules.  More freedom.  Less of me.  More of Him.  Less IS more.

I imagine that dining with the Father would not be at some long formal table complete with forks and spoons I don’t know what to do with, Him at one end and me at the other.  We’d be more like lovers at a small table outside of a cozy little cafe, sitting closely with heads bent together for intimate conversation, drinking from a glass with two straws.  It’s that sort of intimacy I am hungry for.  And I don’t want to care what anyone else thinks.

Long ago He spoke to people in parables.  This year he’s been speaking to me in metaphors and similes.  Is there much of a difference?  It’s confusing and humbling and yet I get it.  He shows me something, I ask for clarification, and He gives it to me. Amazing.  Simple.  Conversation.  A new level of intimacy.

Yes, I am hungry!