As you can tell by the dates at the top of my posts, I haven’t been here since Friday. To be honest, I haven’t been in the blogging mood. Then our internet went out and I thought Good, now I have an excuse for not blogging, emailing, writing, working on the web, etc. Like having a hurting heart wasn’t reason enough to take a little break.
It has been a HARD week for me. It began last Wednesday with the news of the Chapman Family – not close friends, but my heart ached anyway. The next day my college friend Taj IMed me to tell me she definitely lost the twins she was pregnant with. That is when I decided I needed a little blogging break and would pick back up on Monday. Just when I think I’m hurting less about my own miscarriage, emotions burst forth and my knees buckle. Then my internet started having problems. My friend Bill emailed to ask me to pray for a fellow blogger who lost his 18 year old son in an accident. He would have graduated from high school soon. My friend Chelf emailed to tell me about Suezque, another blogging friend who has stopped by here. She and her husband were killed in a tornado on Friday while driving to Kansas for Memorial Day weekend. Suezque was a cousin to my friends Laura and Kansas Sally. I hadn’t had a chance to meet her yet, but we had Colorado in common and I hoped to meet her eventually. And I still will. You can read the news story about her and her husband HERE. My friend Jenn emailed today to let everyone know her grandmother died. Death after death. Loss and grief. And LOTS of tears.
While I was wondering if my internet would even be up so I could post something I’m grateful for, I talked with God about holding on and looking for sunshine in the darkness. And THAT is what I’m most grateful for today. God has been ever present through all of my heartache this year. He loves me and He loves my friends who are also experiencing loss and expressing their grief. God is not absent when I am feeling lost and weepy. He doesn’t tell me to snap out of it and move on before my wounds have had some time to heal, and He heals them a little bit at a time. He knows all of my questions and allows me the freedom to have them. He listens to my rants and my prayers with an equal amount of love for me. He is there when I weep all day and when I toss and turn all night. He is there when I sing to Him as loud as I can and when I joyfully tell Him how much I love his creativity and how He outdid himself with the beauty I see around me. He is there in my heart whether it’s breaking, healing, or overflowing with joy. He is there holding my hand when I’m afraid. He is there whispering my worth to me and telling me to listen to His voice only. God is always there. In the 90’s, Bette Midler sang that God is watching us from a distance. She was so wrong. He walks through our joys and our sorrows WITH us.
Want to join us for Gratituesday?
Head on over to Laura’s blog – Heavenly Homemakers and link up.
Niki, thanks for writing this. I’ve had a parallel weekend (except my Internet didn’t go down, but my computer did for a time). It was just almost too much to take, all the tragedies and heartache and sadness. Too many families in pain, and too many unanswered questions. It’s been hard to see the sunshine through the darkness, but you are right. God has been there. Thanks again, for always sharing what’s on your heart. You helped MY heart today.
LikeLike
Thanks Char. I think the timing was all God’s. He’s good like that. 🙂
LikeLike
ok, it’s not Tuesday anymore, but thanks, ’cause I needed that! He is always there, and I know that, but sometimes it is good to have someone else remind me, ya know? Not just me telling myself. <<<>>>
LikeLike
wow. wow. Beyond the sad stuff. this is a really great post. I’ve learned this lesson well in the past year. And I’m so far from learning it completely.
Niki, I’m sorry that I didn’t even know you were having a hard week. I should have been there for you and instead I was wrapped up in my own stuff.
I love you very much and I’m praying for you.
LikeLike
Thanks Niki for this awesome post. God is so good, even (especially) during our times of pain.
LikeLike
Niki, Thanks for reminding me. You are always so encouraging. I have thought a lot about God being right there for us. I hope you have a better, rest of the week andd weekend.
LikeLike
What a hard week. I just want to give you a great big hug. (((((((h)))))))
LikeLike