Sometimes I Write

It’s one of my favorite days of the month. Specifically-my day off. The sky today has been a kaleidescope of weather. It was raining when I woke up, now it’s mostly cloudy, with the sun breaking through for an occasional hello. I’m sitting here in a coffee shop relaxing and surfing the web. I’ve been blog hopping for the past hour and leaving comments for friends. It seems like I haven’t had the time to do that much lately. Last week was pretty rough with school starting and my sad attempt to get my family back on a routine. I’m still trying to figure out how to do it all.

It seems I’ve had more cloudy days than sunny ones lately. I’m struggling to see a future with a lack of financial stress, so I’m looking back and seeing God’s faithfulness in providing for my family when we didn’t think we’d make it through the month financially, like this month. I’m working through some hard issues with a few of my friendships, but as I look back I clearly see where He provided friends to walk through some difficult times and days of loneliness. I have great friends and I’m thankful. I’ve been too emotional dealing with my kids and the balancing act of homeschooling. I am a teacher. I’ve been teaching my kids since they entered the world. I’m not proud of some of the unspoken lessons they’ve learned from me, but I know I’ve taught them (and still am teaching them) the things that matter. They love God. They love others. They are compassionate and people of character. They are world changers. I wouldn’t give that up for a straight 365 days of tough homeschooling. The routines will come and things will get better. I know this to be true.

Why is it that when the storm is raging around us all we see is the destruction outside and not the strong walls that protect us? Surely I’m not alone in this. There are storms I’m strong through – an anchor firmly planted – and then there are storms that sweep me out to sea. ~sigh~

My day off. A day of rest. A day to rejuvenate myself so I can face the days ahead. It’s crazy that I look forward to this day with such anticipation and when it arrives I have a hard time deciding how to spend it. What do I enjoy? How do I relax? I read. I drink tea and chai. I write. I devour magazines, mentally filing away the many tips that will improve my life and those of my family and friends. I chat on the phone. I mark up my Bible with highlighting pens. I sing. I blog. I love my days of rest, but resting doesn’t feel natural to me. I have to plan for it. Work for it. Fight for it.

Back in July when Tawnya was here we toured Celestial Seasonings. This painting is one of the first things you see when you enter the visitor center. It instantly brought a smile to my face because it really spoke to me. It encompassed what I need most in my life…rest. Thanks to Bruce Wolfe for painting it. You can see more of his art on the Celestial Seasonings website.