Sometimes I Write

Have you ever visited a church and NO ONE talked to you? This happened to us last summer when we were looking for a new church family after our move to Denver. There is a large church just up the street from us and we thought we’d give it a try. We arrived early. There were several people milling about in the lobby and auditorium. We waited, looked around, and finally Benny went up to a guy who was handing out bulletins. “Can you tell me where the kid’s classes are?” The man thrust a bulletin in Benny’s hand and said, “I don’t think there are any kid’s classes today” and turned around to talk to someone he knew. I was shocked! I overheard a woman telling her kids to follow her to class, so we followed too. When we got there, I started to ask her where our kids should go and she told me there was no class teacher for Zoe’s class, but she was welcome to come to the Kindergarten/First grade class with her brother. I said I didn’t want her to do that because she was only 2 1/2. The lady looked at me like I was crazy and said, “It’s no big deal, I don’t mind”. I said, “but I do”. She muttered something under her breath. I was irritated about how we had been treated so far, that I gave Benny a pleading look and he said, “Let’s just go”. And we did. This all took place in about a 20 minute time period. Why would we want to be a part of a church that didn’t care about it’s visitors?

Fast forward to Halloween. This same church was advertising a Fall Festival party as an outreach to the community, so we thought we’d take the kids. They love dressing up in costumes and what kid doesn’t like free candy? We got there expecting a churchy party. We walked in and the place was packed. There was a frighteningly large blow up Dracula right by the door leading to the game rooms. I laughed at the mixed message. What were they thinking? The kids waited in long lines to play the games and win their few pieces of candy prizes. The only thing spoken to us that night was, “Excuse me ma’am, but the line starts over here“, and “Cute costumes”. There was absolutely NO outreach going on – unless they were thinking – “if they come to our party and we give them free candy maybe they’ll come to our church”. We were sorry we went.

Now to the present. We met a couple that has a homeless ministry through one of my BSF friends. We had them over for supper last week to talk about our ministries. Guess where they go to church?? They asked if we had ever visited there. I said, ” I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t bring that up” and laughed. We told them about our previous experiences with their church and they were surprised. They told us that they were having their annual church picnic on Sunday after service, and wanted us to come and be their guests…give them another shot. After telling them that we love our church family and weren’t planning on looking anywhere else, we agreed to go to the picnic.

We showed up and found them right away. They were with their parents, another man, and my friend from BSF and her husband – who don’t attend that church either. Other than talking with them and their group, the picnic didn’t go well. As I was going through the line, I asked a boy serving if I could have some macaroni salad. He gave me 3 pieces of macaroni – I’m not even kidding. I smiled and asked him if I could have a little more, and he (obviously irritated with me) said, “Well, we’re only supposed to give a little – there are a lot of people in line to feed”, and gave me a little more anyway. I was stunned. Let’s just say that it was obvious I was a visitor. I was taught to give visitors special attention, but not in a negative way. This was unreal. We stayed and ate with our hosts, but Benny was in a hurry to take the kids to play, then go home. I didn’t know why, but I assumed it was because AGAIN, nobody talked to us – besides our hosts. I found out why Benny was so mad when we were walking back to the car. When he was in line with Max, a man made a comment to Max and Benny commented back and tried to start a conversation with him. In the middle of Benny talking to him, the man grabbed his hand to shake it and said, “God bless you” and turned and walked away. That was the last straw…
When we left, our hosts said, “Well, we’ll keep you posted on activities and we’re hoping you’ll come back and give our church another try. I was thinking “There’s no way…”

So, do we write a letter to the church Pastor and tell him all of this? Do we just turn down their invites? It was weird feeling like such an outsider with church people. I wondered if that was how all visitors felt? No wonder it’s so intimidating for new people in churches. No wonder there are so many that never come back. If I wanted to be part of a secluded, inward focused group of people, I’d join a country club. The church isn’t supposed to be one. I hope this church is in the minority. It’s sad that this attitude is out there at all. I heard it said that most churches consider themselves friendly. Would those who visit say the same about them?