Sometimes I Write

The prayer had just ended and the room was dimly lit by the candles nearby. “Go when you’re ready”. A few people rose to their feet to make their way to the communion tables. Billy and Russell began the gentle picking and strumming on their guitars. Rather than merely hearing my cue coming, I felt it. I opened my mouth to sing and felt my heart opening to the words that came out. With my emotions rising and a steady voice, I began to sing to my Lord…

I give my heart to you Lord,
I give my soul to you Lord,
I give my mind and I give my all to you oh Lord.

I give my hands to you Lord,
I give my strength to you Lord,
I give my life and I give my all to you oh Lord.

For you alone are worthy of all I am,
For you have given me it all
and the least I can do is give it back to you.

It was my praise. It was my worship. It was my freeing from the bondage of “the rules of worship”. Not every note came out perfectly, but every one of them was beautiful. Musically speaking it was suited for my range though I had worried it would be too low for me. I may have even missed an entrance by a few beats. The positive of being the one leading the song is that everyone else follows you and sometimes that covers up the mistakes. But none of this mattered. I was singing to my God and offering Him the best I had to give Him. Shay’s harmonies and the people in our fellowship singing along with us kept me focused. I felt the tears way down deep inside me beginning to swell up into my chest. The Holy Spirit within was pleased and interceding for me with the Father. The connection was made and I was moved. So were others. What a privilege to usher people into the throne room. What a joy to worship with friends and strangers and to use my gifts to help them move closer to God.

I’ve been singing with the worship team for a month now and I’m still struggling to completely let go of my fears and my previous church baggage. Some days I have come to that place where it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and I know the Father has spoken to my heart. I wish that were the case all the time and I didn’t waste my energy with less important opinions. If I’m coming before the throne and asking my Father what He thinks of me, I need to accept His answer. Sometimes I just need to come to tell Him what I think of Him, or leave my offering of praise. The first Sunday I sang, Tim and I lead the song “Offerings”(Third Day). It had the same effect on me, except my nerves got in the way of the confidence God had told me to have and I held back. I didn’t give it my all – I won’t easily make that mistake again.

Magnificent Holy Father, I stand in awe of all I see.
Of all the things you have created, still you choose to think of me.
Who am I that you should suffer your very life to set me free?
The only thing that I can offer is the life you gave to me.

This is my offering dear Lord, This is my offering to you God.
And I give you my life, for it’s all I have to give, because you gave your life for me.

I stand before you at this altar, so many have given you more.
I may not have much I can offer yet what I have is truly yours.

That’s what He wants – us – our lives as a living sacrifice. He wants us to give our all. Are you?