Sometimes I Write

Lastnight there was a bit of drama at the feeding after pool night. A couple of streetkids threw some slaps and shoves, and my friend “Tammy” lost it. She was incredibly upset by the disrespect shown the people providing the meal and the Dry Bones staff. (We don’t allow fighting at our functions.) She was so mad, she just exploded and threw her plate of food to the ground and walked off crying. I followed her and listened as she cussed and cried and yelled so everyone within earshot could hear her. I tried to calm her down and we talked. Her reaction (getting upset) was valid, I didn’t think the tantrum was necessary. She hates certain aspects of streetlife – the anger, the disrespect and disregard for others by some of the kids, and the ignorance of the vicious cycle most of them live in. When it was my turn, I reminded her of the goals we had set and the ones she had achieved already. I told her that she didn’t have to live like that. I said that I wasn’t excusing the behavior of the fighting kids, but that maybe no one had taught them that there are other ways to settle their differences. Maybe they truly didn’t know any better. She listened and cried. I spoke to her about her worth and how she had already overcome part of that lifestyle…She could do it. She didn’t need to live on the streets again, and maybe it was time to set some more goals and I’d help her work on them. She calmed down and we talked with Benny as we were leaving the park. He told her maybe she needed to stay away on Thursday nights for awhile, and make some new friends. She said no because she’d be bored, what else would she have to do on Thursday nights? I was so frustrated! Even when she could see that being there wasn’t the best thing for her at this point in her journey, she wasn’t willing to give it up. She knows what she needs to do to stay off the streets, and I’m not sure she’s willing to do it. She has made great progress by checking into a shelter/program, getting her CNA license and her GED. The next step is finding a job, and I’m afraid she’s begun to drag her feet. I want to be encouraging, but there are times I want to give her a shove (not a gentle nudge) in the right direction. I talked with Nikki about it a little and she reminded me that Tammy has to make the changes in her head and heart – I can’t do that for her. It has to be her own. I need to keep myself from being goal-oriented with her and let her go at her own pace. I am her cheerleader. I know there are others, but she loves and trusts me and calls me “Momma Bear”.

Unfortunately there were consequences to her actions. She had thrown her plate to the ground, and while we were talking, the people who provided the meal packed up and left. The irony is while she was mad at the kids who scrapped, she herself didn’t control her emotions, and as a result, Tammy had to go without dinner.

On a better note…She has invited me to be a part of her baptism Sunday morning at Sox’s place, the local drop-in center she hangs out at. Easter morning…a new beginning…For her…For me…For us all. Pray for me and Tammy as we walk together down this path of new beginnings in her life. Pray for wisdom so I know when to speak and when to shut-up, and when to enforce boundaries. I thank God that He is using me in Tammy’s life.

After her baptism, she’ll be coming to church with me, then home to spend part of the day. There will be around 11 of us for Easter Dinner. It’s going to be fun!