Sometimes I Write

O.K. It finally overtook me and I had to do something about it. I got on my high school website, I pulled out my old yearbooks and read all of the comments (which mostly said “Have a nice summer…see you next year), and even emailed my Science teacher, Mr. Kartman, to thank him for being a positive influence in my life. THEN, I got on the alumni website to see who was on there. I found two friends that I haven’t emailed yet, but I’m going to. Even if they don’t remember me very well, I am happy for the opportunity to thank them for their friendship during a very tumultuous (my big word for the day) time of my life. I am registered with Classmates.com but I’m not paying their fee so I can see details about my classmate’s lives. There is one name missing that I look for every time, but I’m not saying who it is. 😉 If anyone wants to find me, they can google me. Though that may be hard with just my maiden name.

I’m still in touch (sort of) with my two best friends from high school: Tim Ranis and Lyanna (Steers) Opitz. I met both of them my Freshmen year. Tim’s wife sends me updates on their family every year and I love her for it. I was in Andy and Lyanna’s wedding the year before Max was born. What an honor that was, since I am the one who introduced them. I have run into a few people from high school while visiting family in LaCrosse, but have been wondering how everyone else is doing now that we’re adults. I wish I could get a glimpse into the lives of those I’m curious about. It reminds me of watching 13 Going On 30, where Chris Grandy, the school hottie, grows up to be a sleazy cab driver. What did happen to Central High School’s hotties? What about the nerds, the drama queens, the jocks and cheerleaders, and the potheads? Have they all changed as much as I have? Did they all grow up and out of their reputations, expectations, and labels?

High School was the worst and best time of my life. The worst part was my family and my home life which went back and forth between being volatile and non-existent. I stayed away as much as I could – throwing myself into extra curricular activities as long as they didn’t cost money. I didn’t have any. I actually quit a sports team because I couldn’t afford the uniform and was too embarrassed to talk to the coach about it. That’s sad, because I was pretty good at it. I had a few classes I enjoyed, but I mostly blended in and slipped through the cracks because I was a “good” kid. Very few people knew how much of a mess I was because it wasn’t obvious. I didn’t do drugs, drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law. The only clue was my promiscuity – I HAD to have a boyfriend or I felt worthless. That’s where Tim stepped in. No, he was never my boyfriend. He was the first boy to show an interest in anything other than my body. He taught me that I was worthy of respect and he expected me to act like it. Really! I had never had anyone call me out on how I dressed or acted with boys…especially a boy. Wow! It hurt at first, but I love him for it! After Benny met Tim, before he was married to his wife, Benny told me that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to marry Tim. LOL Yes, he’s that great a guy. Without Tim in my life, my high school experience would have turned out very differently and I would not have remained a virgin. He was that life changing for me.

The best times were spent with the Music and Drama Departments. I was in a quartet and we were GOOD! We sang all over town for different functions, made the newspaper, and won awards at singing competitions. That is how Lyanna and I became the best of friends. She was in it too. I also discovered CROSSFIRE, a Christian teen center downtown. I hung out there whenever it was open, and even volunteered time. It was through CROSSFIRE that I first experienced the power of the Holy Spirit. My life began changing. It was a very slow process, but it was a beginning.

I used to think it might be bad to look back – look what happened to Lot’s wife. 🙂 jk It’s not healthy to ALWAYS be looking back, but it’s good to do it every now and then. When I look back, it is glaringly obvious to me how far I’ve come. I can see where I was and how my path changed and when God grabbed hold of me. I’ve been clinging to Him since then. What a rocky path it has been, but I see the people He put there along the way. People who helped me in their own little ways to become the wife, mother, and friend that I am today. I wish I could show those people who didn’t believe in me how I’ve changed and what God has done in my life. I wish I could take back all of the dating and playing with fire (sexually) that I did. I wish I would have been a better witness – I was a horrible one. I gave new meaning to the term “missionary dating” – you know – when you date someone hoping to win them to Christ, then totally blow it by being such a bad witness that you’re a good example of a hippocrate. That was me. Here is a poem written in college by a girl I once knew…I once was. I’m not her anymore…

I’ve come so far, or so I feel,
I rose above my past.
I’ve climbed tall mountains of uncertainty,
and been over fences in search of greener grass.
I’ve changed a lot,
Yet I’m not the way I wish to be…
it haunts me still – my past.

I’m glad it doesn’t haunt me now…I became a new creation, and I’ve learned from it. I wrote another poem then too. I wrote:

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…
Lord, tell me, who is my beholder?

That was all. It was a cry out to God. I shared it with Tim and he added to it. He wrote:

Jesus:
My precious, precious child,
I am your beholder,
and you are beautiful!

Everyone needs a friend like that!