Sometimes I Write

If you haven’t been reading Benny’s blog, I hope you do soon. He doesn’t update very often, so I’ll point you in his direction when he does.

Zoe is officially potty trained…it’s been 6 days since her last accident and we’re celebrating!! 🙂

I tend not to blog as much when I’m struggling through tough and annoying questions and thoughts. Here are a few that have been on my mind lately:

Why was I born into the family that I was? Does God have a special job for me with them? Or did He have a special job for them in regards to what I need to learn and not learn about family? Some days I feel like the only white sheep in a family of black ones. That’s exaggerating a bit, I’m just not sure how else to share that I just don’t fit in with them. I don’t feel like I ever have. Sure I lived their lifestyle for years, I was a kid – I had no choice. But as an adult, I do, and I live my life very different than the rest of my family…With a few exceptions. I love them, but I don’t mind living several states away.

Why is it that I’m surrounded by people that prefer King James over any other translation of the Bible? I just don’t get it. Maybe my lack of affection for that particular translation comes from being told for years that it was the ONLY true version of scripture. At this point, I don’t even care to pick one up, though there is one in my personal library. Along that note, why is that the translation most churches give babies and their parents on dedication day, or as rewards for VBS? Like they can understand that better than any other version. Further more, why is our own preference for a certain translation worthy of debate at all? (I like the NLT, but most of the scripture I have memorized is from the NIV). Does God care what translation I use to study His word, or look to for comfort and healing, or even to use to help others fall in love with Him? Can we not trust God to lead us to truth when we ask Him to? Why does it have to be an argument over the exegesis of a particular word, and contextual obligation explaining why one view point is superior to another….blah blah blah. I think I’m getting a headache. BTW, this paragraph has nothing to do with the next one.

I love BSF. I do. But I’ve really struggled this year so far. My teaching leader is new and she reads from a script. It must be nervewracking to stand up in front of that many women and teach on passage after passage. It’s hard for me because in Indy and Wichita I had a seasoned teaching leader that not only knew the material well because they’ve been teaching it for years, but they knew so much historical background, and applications for today, and spoke with such passion and love for the word that I couldn’t scribble my notes down fast enough. It was like having a conversation it felt so natural. My leader here is obviously a great lady, I’m just having a hard time because the two before her (in my life) set the bar pretty high. And my discussion groups in both cities were amazing, especially Wichita. Those of you who have been reading here since the beginning may remember my praise for that group of women that brought me through an awkward and difficult stage of my life. My group here doesn’t have that bonded feeling that I’ve experienced before. Is it my fault? I often have very different answers than the other women. I definitely think differently than they do. One of the reasons for having a discussion group is so we can all bring our different thoughts, beliefs, and scriptural knowledge to the table and learn from each other. There have been times that I’ve shared what I had learned from a particular part of our study, and I get blank stares back at me. I admit that I have found relief and satisfaction to see what I had pointed out written in the lesson. Maybe too much satisfaction, like “Ha! See? I did put some thought into this and I’m not out of my mind.” It just hasn’t been very comfortable. Ha Ha like it’s supposed to be! And what should I do when I strongly disagree with something that is taught? That happened just today. I guess I’ll study the lesson more and ask God to clarify for me what I’m supposed to believe. Still, it feels wierd to be sitting in a room with 200 or more other women who are nodding their heads in agreement and I’m sitting there with my eyebrows raised biting my lip. What’s a girl to do?

I saw a commercial on t.v. lastnight (during LOST ofcourse) that made a pretty good point. Sometimes we can learn more from those who have different view points that those who share the one we have. There is benefit to looking at a situation with “new eyes” and trying to understand it from an unfamiliar perspective. That doesn’t mean we will always change our own thinking, but sometimes we will. Maybe I need to apply this to the above situations. What do you think?