Sometimes I Write

Exactly six years ago today my first child was born. Life has never been the same since. How can I even begin to describe the joy and the challenges this child has brought into my life? He is one of the small percentage of babies that are born on their due date. He was my easiest pregnancy and my hardest labor. He is one of my greatest gifts and accomplishments. This is just a taste of the story of Max.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Max, I was shocked. Not “Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant” shocked, but much, much more shocked than that. You see, Benny and I thought we couldn’t have children. We hadn’t prevented it for six years, with nothing happening. As far as our doctors were concerned, there wasn’t anything physically preventing it, it just wasn’t happening. After six years, we sort of gave up and accepted that we wouldn’t give birth to our own children, but we’d be blessed by someone elses child that they couldn’t keep. Sure I went through my bouts of babyitis when everyone else was having babies except me, but I reassured myself that someday we would adopt to grow our family. Besides, we were in youth ministry and were always going to be surrounded by other peoples kids. We were also recovering from some MAJOR struggles, mainly money issues.

Then I started having a few dreams about babies, and thinking about them more and more. I had a pregnant friend, so I explained it away by assuming I was thinking about her. One day I had an overwhelming urge to take a pregnancy test, which was odd because I hadn’t even missed a period yet. I felt silly buying the test and I didn’t tell Benny that I did. So that night we’re at home, and I took the test. (Me being the untrusting type, I had bought two) As I was walking out of the bathroom with the test in my hand, Benny was coming down the hall towards me. Our eyes met and I burst into tears. Benny’s a smart man, he saw the shock on my face and the white stick in my hand, and then he did the unthinkable. He started laughing at me and clapping! (the nerve of that guy!) I’m not sure why he thinks it’s hilarious that I’m such an emotional creature. 😉 As usual, I played the role of blabbering worrywart and he countered me with the everything’s going to be fine speech. We had a VERY long talk that night and began planning for some life changes. The next morning I took the second test just to be sure. Yep, it was still positive. Little did we know what the rest of that year would bring for us.

We named him long before he was born and called him by name for months. We wanted a name that would be cute for a little boy, but masculine enough for him as he grew into a man. Those are even his initials: M A N (Max Allen Nowell) Max means “the greatest”, and Allen is a family name on Benny’s side.

1999 was CRAZY!!! We interviewed for our first full time paid youth ministry position in Indianapolis, Indiana the weekend of our 6th anniversary, in May. We moved to IN the first weekend in June. I was six months along then, and not much help as far as the moving was concerned. Summer smacked us in the face as we began to get to know our new church family and settle in 12 hours from both sets of parents. It was the hottest summer on record in many years in Indy, and I thought I would melt. I was used to the dry climate of Colorado and thought we had moved to the armpit of the United States. The summer went by quickly and soon it was close to Max’s due date. I got really lonely, really fast. I hadn’t made any close, close friends yet and I eagerly awaited Laurie’s arrival.

When I went into the hospital on September 21st, I envisioned a quick delivery so I could be home with my new baby, my wonderful hubby, and my best friend Laurie who had come to be with me and run my house while I recouperated. Yeah…Right! I’ll spare you all the gruesome details, but the next morning there I was still in a hospital bed, very tired, very sore, and very pregnant. Long story – short, I pushed for close to two hours and Max was showing signs of fetal distress. I had already been in labor for 22 hours and we needed to get him out! The doctor finally determined that he was NOT going to come out that way and it was time to do a c-section. The technical reason was shoulder dystocia – he was stuck and nothing was going to get him out that way. I was exhausted and said something like, “Fine, whatever, just get him out of me!” (Sounds motherly huh?) lol

Less than 2 hours later, I was being wheeled out of the O.R. back to my room, holding a very beautiful 9 lb. 10 oz., 23 inch long, healthy baby boy. It was September 22, the day I joined the mother club. My first visitor arrived shortly after that, Jan Brantly, the supermom of 6 kids herself, one of them my friend and fellow blogger, Kent. Maybe it was her own experience, maybe it was being a doctor’s wife, I don’t know, but she was very comforting to me and it was almost like Max was being held by one of his grandmothers. Ofcourse just the thought made me cry. Laurie and Benny had been there right by my side for the whole experience, and I also had one of the best doulas in the world – Jeannie Isaacs. Even though my birthplan didn’t come close to reality, it was an awesome experience. It’s hard to explain how tender yet how fierce my love for this baby was. I would have (and still will) hurt anyone who tried to harm him in any way.

I’ve learned so much from being a mother, and I’ll keep on learning long after he is grown and has his own family. One of my favorite things is having a little insight into God as a parent and just how big his sacrifice for me was. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it. Greater is He, that’s for sure!

Now for the challenge part. (hehe) Max is what people would call “all boy”. He’s adventurous, and dangerous. I used to think he’s fearless, but that has changed a bit since his brother and sister have joined the family. I let him do lots of things that “good parents” don’t let their kids do, like jump on the bed, and climb all over the furniture, and let him be Tarzan and play all day in his underwear. You know you wish you had days like that! 😉 Don’t worry, he knows that’s only o.k. at our house, and he’s very respectful of other peoples stuff when we’re visiting friends. He loves to climb on things and jump from his top bunk across the room to his sister’s bed. Most days he’s a superhero, or a preacher, or a spy. He loves to talk. (I wonder where he gets that from?) 🙂 If you put a microphone in the boy’s hand, expect him to command his audience and be long-winded. He’s in the knock-knock joke phase right now, which is driving me nuts. He knows what he wants and he isn’t afraid to tell you. He asks tons of questions, has a tender heart, and he loves the Lord. He even baptized Elmo in our bathtub! He’s very into martial arts, especially the weapons used, which is why his bond with his Uncle Lennie will always be strong. He will talk to ANYONE who crosses his path, as evidenced today when he proudly told every person we met, “Today’s my birthday and I’m six years old now!” Max is intelligent and eager to learn new things. He remembers things like noone else I know, which he loves to use against me, “But mommy, you said…”

Out of all three of our children, Max is the most like me. Sometimes Benny listens to us talking and laughs and says, “I can’t wait until he’s older to watch you to have a discussion. I’ll place bets on who will win what argument”. Yikes! I know how he thinks, and he’s very logical about everything. He doesn’t like to deviate from “the plan” and he does so much bettter when we are on a schedule. He always wants to know what’s coming next. He likes to have his own space and he definitely likes to have his alone time.

He has a heart the size of Texas! We were driving Benny to work one day and as we pulled off onto our exit, we saw a man with a sign waiting at the stoplight. We were several cars back, but Max spotted him and asked what he was doing. We told him the man was trying to collect money or food and Max said “oh”. Benny asked if we had any food with us to give the man. I said I did’n’t think so, and Max said incredulously, “You mean we’re not going to give him anything???” He was upset. All we had was a bunch of bananas I had brought for our morning snack so we ripped a few off and as we approached the corner, I handed them to him out the window. He smiled warmly and thanked me. I looked in the rearview mirror at Max and he was smiling as we pulled away.

Max has gotten into many scrapes which scared me half to death. Two weeks ago I blogged about the whole downtown bus incident. Lastnight we went to pick up Lennie from the airport and it happened again! We were heading from the baggage claim area to the elevators and Max got to push the button. The doors opened rather quickly and he and Zoe hopped on the elevator. Then the doors closed rather quickly – before we could reach them. Max had stuck his fingers in the door to keep them from closing, which didn’t work, but somehow the elevator didn’t move either. He and Zoe were panicking and screaming, “Get us out of here!” and I’m trying to pry the doors open with my hands because I can see his little fingers still in there through the crack I could make with mine. I thought he was hurt. Why is it I’m always the closest one and still the most helpless one? Benny took over trying to open the doors, unsuccessfully, as we were both trying to get the kids to calm down and explain what the “open door” button looks like. Max was too scared to see straight and kept yelling that he couldn’t find it. I hopped on the elevator closest to them and told Benny to let them go and I’d meet them when they got off. We were only going down one floor, so Benny told Max to push the “4” button, which he did. It was eery hearing them cry all the way down to the next level. Our elevators were in synch and I could hear Max trying to reassure Zoe while being scared himself. He kept yelling, “They’ll come and get us, they’ll come and find us!” We all three stepped out of the elevators at the same time, and they threw themselves at me. Poor little Zoe was shaking like crazy and just sobbed into my shirt. When Max saw me, he recovered almost instantly. By the time Benny, Lennie, and Pete joined us, Max was telling Zoe, “See Zoe? I told you they’d come. It’s o.k. Don’t be scared” like he hadn’t been himself just a minute earlier. We all calmed down and headed towards the van. As we reached the doors, a lady that had witnessed the whole thing winked at me and said, “don’t worry, it will make a funny story someday”. I know it’s not polite to hit people…just kidding, I would never do that.

It’s stories like that one that make me wonder just what that boy is going to put me through in the coming years. I think I’ve worried more about him than anyone else in my life. He’s only six, and already he has been in 3 car accidents, one with a few minor injuries, almost knocked his two front teeth out during a bad fall, he’s eaten rat poisoning twice. (Not at our house). He’s felt the loss of two close friends deaths, and he’s slammed his fingers and toes in more doors, even losing a toenail once! I NEVER get bored when Max is around. There isn’t time to.

He brings me such joy! He hugs me as hard as he can and tells me that Im the best mommy in the whole world. He considers himself my personal assistant when it comes to taking care of the younger two. He is constantly drawing pictures for me, mostly the two of us holding hands, or just the words I love you mommy – with a heart drawn in for the word love. I love to watch his creativity in action and he’s always working on a project of some sort. He picks me flowers He makes me breakfast every Mother’s Day. He daily asks me for mommy/Max cuddle time.

All of this, and the story of Max has barely begun. I’m holding on for dear life because it’s going to be a great adventure. Thank you God for bringing Max into my personal story and blessing me with his devotion and his personality. He’s an awesome kid!