Sometimes I Write

“Don’t be looking at the waves”. That’s what my husband told me tonight as we had “couch time” during Monday Night Football. I guess that’s what I’ve been doing the past couple of days. I’m usually one that likes change…if it happens MY way. My control freak tendencies creep back into my life from time to time and wreak havoc on my confidence and faith. One of my favorite songs right now is Barlow Girl’s ” On My Own”:

I can’t believe that I’m here in this place again

How did I manage to mess up one more time?

This pattern seems to be the story of my life

Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time

‘Cause I promised myself I wouldn’t fall

But here I’ve fallen

I guess I’m not as strong as I thought

All I can do is cry to you

(* chorus)

Oh God You have to save me

You’re my last and only hope

All my right answers fail me

I can’t seem to make it on my own

I always thought that I would be strong enough

What made all of them fall couldn’t take me down

Yeah, did I think that I was above it all

I have learned that pride comes before the fall

I can’t promise that I won’t fall

‘Cause here I’ve fallen

I know I’m not as strong as I thought

All I can do is cry to you

*chorus again

Ever have a day like that? Here’s the latest on our moving situation. It looks like the other DB Boulder team members are calling it quits. They are all having a hard time raising their support. They have all laid out a fleece before the Lord and believe if they don’t have the amount of support they need by a certain date they have in mind, it’s their sign from God that they’re not supposed to be there doing what they’re doing right now. That’s sort of what we did when God gave us our first youth ministry assignment, so why am I doubting their decisions? I’m wondering if I’m being naive thinking we’re going to have an easier time than they have had, or is it that my faith isn’t waivering in that area? I don’t really know yet. We believe that God wanting us to move to plant this ministry is not tied to whether or not they go or stay. We heard very clearly that we’re to go…so we’re going. My fear comes in the not knowing what happens next. We’re sill looking for a church that will oversee our funds until we get our non-profit status. (please pray about that for me) We may need to intern for awhile with one of the other two Dry Bones teams in Denver or Venice, CA. I’m clear on the direction we’re headed (working with the street kids), I just can’t see the road right now.



So there I was stressing and Benny tells me “Don’t be looking at the waves”. I did, and I was sinking fast! I wonder if the disciples that were still in the boat yelled that to Peter? Or maybe Jesus did. I know where my focus needs to be. I mentally learned that lesson in junior high…once you step out of the boat, don’t think about the fact that you’re walking on water – think about who you’re walking to and NEVER take your eyes off Him! It’s just really hard on the days when the wind is blowing my curls in my eyes , or even worse, blowing so hard it takes my breath away and threatens to knock me over! I’m in need of some serious Father/Daughter time with God. I’m thankful that Benny and I seem to schedule our discouragement at different times. lol



I could use some prayers from some blogging believers and blog reading ones too. I know in my heart that everything is fine. Evidently my heart and my brain are currently not on speaking terms…or maybe I just need more sleep.